We're in 2010! Seemed so faraway when we were in our 1996... Yr 2000 was a big millennium, and in a flash, we have passed a decade in the new millennium..... big thing...
Well, 2009 closed on quite a painful note... we lost it again... this time it was more painful than the previous two, cos we had higher hopes. There wasn't any heartbeat. The loss and the disappointment were heart wrenching. The feelings were deja vu too... We just had to deal with it. We were looking forward very much to 2010 cos' we were expecting a bundle of joy, but the turn of events sent us into a whirl of loss and confusion.
I asked Him why, even though I know for a fact and with deep conviction that He IS good and has the best plan for my life. I cried everytime I thought of what I lost (again). It was quite a dazed week whilst I recuperated at my mum's place... then we went to visit a couple who has had the same experiences before. I thought I'd be sobbing the whole time during the visit, but amazingly, I was soooo encouraged in my heart and lifted in my spirit! Indeed, we overcome with the testimony of the saints! I concluded after the visit, that I may never know why it happened, and why my Ever-Loving Father allowed it. But I know that He will never 'waste" ANYTHING that happens in our lives, and I know that I have the opportunity to know Him more. It's really not about knowing the whys to all of life's happenings, but it's really about Knowing Him. I look forward to knowing Him for Who He is, not what He gives/bestows/blesses.
We went away for a short trip to Phuket on a last-minute decision, and had a great rest there. The villa was v v lovely, surrounded with lush greenery and foilage. We just spent the morning reading on the day bed with the rain falling outside... It was a wonderful feeling of freshness and rest...
We thank God for all the good things He has given us... I thank God even more for my dear husband, the greater gift (than what i lost) whom He has blessed me with. I thank God for saving me from eternal death, and gave me eternal life. i thank God for giving me so so many good gifts in my lifetime - my family, my house, my church, my job and many more. How can I look at this (seemingly) bad thing and fault Him for not being good to me...? That, will be too petty and narrow-minded.
I am back at work this week already, sorted out what happened, dealt with the loss and emotions, and ready to start the new exciting year and being eager to know Him and what He's gonna do in my life.
My friends, if you are reading this, and feel bad for me, or even question about why God, if He is
good and loving, will allow such things to happen...? I can only say that things happen to everyone - christians, non-christians alike. The same sun shines on both, but the great thing is that, because He loves me and has saved me and for what he has done on the cross for me, I have hope amidst the valleys. And I have also learnt, that, it is in the valleys that He will carry me through... and.... morning ALWAYS comes...
I want to walk with You all the days of my life, for better or for worse, till death do us meet....
Happy New Year!
