emma, Princess of God

White Christmas

2011-12-23T19:11:00.002+08:00

Gerald took me to Hokkaido for a White Christmas... It was such a beautiful time... We flew into Hokkaido from Taiwan. Everything was powder snowy white. Romantic was the theme of the day. With falling snow, Christmas music playing along the streets and Christmas lightings and decorations.

This is one holiday I will remember for a long time...

Thank you, baby.

Bliss..

2011-12-11T09:11:00.001+08:00

Bliss is sitting at Starbucks with great music that sing of God and all He is, reading His Word intermittently and writing intermittently..
Bliss is just sitting here in such cool and nice December weather in Singapore, spending time with myself and God without any agenda...
Bliss is recalling the blessings that He has so generously bestowed to me and my family..
Bliss is knowing that I've walked through the valley of shadow of death and survived- not just survived but thriving in the richness of knowing Him..
Bliss is looking forward to a white Christmas in Hokkaido with my most loved one..
Bliss is awaiting the kids to come to hear them call me in excitement and joining our children's church..
Bliss is relishing in the job that He has so lavishly given me and blessing the socks out of me...
Bliss is having a boss who desires to follow God wholeheartedly, and having the privilege to partner with her for His kingdom...
Bliss is knowing God and being under the shadow of His wings- safe and secured no matter what the circumstance and environment is, and knowing Him in a way my heart wanna jump out with unspeakable joy, love and ..... BLISS

Thank You Lord for our relationship...

Stress during this time of the year

2011-11-10T13:49:00.003+08:00

It's been a stressful time... but it's beginning to look like Christmas.... They DO NOT jive... I've been working hard on a big case at work; "Praise God", one part of me rejoices; "but it's so hard... I feel like just walking away", the other part of me laments. Thankfully these few nights after work are just time to chill... Hubby & I have just been spending time walking, talking to God, and just not doing something after wor. Hubs have been stressed out too... I make myself sane by listening to Michael Buble's Christmas songs, haha.
I can't put a finger to what and how I am really feeling, but I'd been feeling tired-physically and emotionally. In my heart and mind, I entertain thoughts of running away, hiding somewhere and all. My head is tensed up so I have tension headaches. I think I am stressed.
It also doesn't help that my b*** is at my back a lot cos' of this big case. I can't complain cos' I am learning so much and all that is helping me. I don't want to let all these affect me; I don't like to be a tensed-up, sour-faced. I love to be free, love to be at ease, etc. I want God, I need Him, I really need Him so so much. Only He can help me.
At this note, I want to thank God He is in my life and that I belong to Him. I have Him to turn to, I can lament to Him, I can cast my anxieties to Him, I can cry to Him and sing to Him. And when I am in Him, when I think how wonderful He is, or how He just loves and cares for me, I cannot help but feel loved and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim.
[Just heard on podcast: Anxiety is a sin to be repented of. We don't manage anxiety, we put it to death, cos Jesus crucified our sins on the cross -Mars Hill Church]

Lord Jesus, pls help me, pls help me to not be anxious, but as I pray and give thanks, your peace which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

I'm going home tonight to listen to Christmas carols again... that transports me to winter, snow-falling windows - bliss... (of cos, with Christ in my heart)

I want it to begin to look like Christmas...

Merry Christmas

P.S: I know I don't make much sense, but I am just ranting and thinking aloud.

Biblical Interpretation Course (July - Oct 2011)

2011-10-23T22:38:00.006+08:00

It's been over a year since I last wrote and updated my blog. Thanks to Bro Casey (*curtsies*) from my Biblical Interpretation course, that I am now finally writing SOMETHING on my blog. Under the good influence and encouragement of our dear friend, D, Gerald and I decided to take the step of faith to sign up for a course in AGBC (Assemblies of God Bible College) - BIBLICAL INTERPRETATION. We thought it was good and necessary for us to learn how to interpret the bible correctly, as we desire to serve God more effectively in His Kingdom and leading His people. I remember Gerald & I had this conversation when we were on holiday in Perth in May this year and we discussed about taking up this course. We felt that in this day and age it is not the most straightforward thing in understanding the bible holistically; more so, to apply it correctly in our lives and in helping others walk closer to God. Despite the challenge of having to commit one night per week to attend class (and not forgetting doing homework), we decided to take the leap. It helped that 6 of us friends signed up together, and that was the beginning of a fun course.

This blog entry is our final homework to blog about our learning experience. This entry is a reflection of 5 interesting ideas/concepts/practices that I have gleaned through this class-every aspect of it.

1. Interpreting the bible is tough work! With all the different tools to help us to interpret God's Word, it is really not how we thought it was done before attending this class. There are so many factors that can affect the way we interpret God's Word! There is the Historical context, the Literary Context, questions of content, the World of the text, the World of the reader, Biblical Narratives, the Genres, etc. It seemed to me that to interpret correctly, we need to employ all these tools to get a clearer and more accurate interpretation of the particular passage we are studying.

Having gone through this course, my challenge is really to put in hard work (though I must qualify that it is easier said than done) to read God's Word in its rightful manner, and not just read it at face value. (Then again, we also learnt that sometimes, we have to take the word at its face-value). Applying the different tools of interpretation will help me to expound on a passage better for better understanding, and to teach and share better with others.

2. Diagramming. I love diagramming! I felt it was a practical and one of the more comprehensive way of de-constructing a passage, and it was a good way to see the overview and thrust of the passage. Of course, not forgetting "fanboys"- Conjunctions.

After doing diagramming, the main thrust of a passage can be so different from what we thought it to be in the beginning, and this may totally swing the main message from what it is actually supposed to be. I remember of an example shown, of the points of a sermon from a passage which was so different from what it was supposed to be, after diagramming. It affirmed that as leaders or teachers, God will hold us accountable for what we teach, so we have to do our best in presenting the whole and proper truth of God's word.

3. Many people are misled and misinterpreting the bible. From the many examples shared by Bro Casey, for example, Phil 4:13, 2 Kings 2:9, I learnt that it is so important to know the context and the world of the text. I learnt also, how to look at a passage to see if the principle has to do with moral absolutes and cultural relevance. Many people, even myself, are reading God's Word and applying it incorrectly, knowingly or unknowingly. It's scary that many times, we read God's Word according to what we want to hear and interpret. I feel the challenge is to apply what we have learnt in Biblical Interpretation to our reading of the Word, and to keep practising so it becomes a filter in us to interpret the Word as best as we know how. I remember Bro Casey shared an example of the song that he used to sing about "Cover me, Lord"or something, and how we sing songs that are even incorrectly interpreted. It's very subtle (and this is the scariest part), that wrong interpretations and applications of the Word may cause us to have wrong concepts and teach wrong things to God's people.

I want to be someone who learns and understands as whole a truth of the bible as possible, so I can know God better and to teach others better. I also want to apply God's truth correctly and appropriately so that I do not digress from the truth, even that 1 degree.

4. 1 Thess 4:3-8. This passage is quite hard to forget. Our homework was all on this passage. But what struck me, what our final CGP, which required us to think of how we can contextualize this passage to our world and culture today, and I learnt that the world then, is somewhat similar to our world today.

I am even more convinced that God's principles, though sometimes deemed old-fashioned, prudish, simple, even idealistic, is still applicable and works in our world today. Our God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow indeed. Through the different homework exploring different aspects of this passage, it helped to really see this passage as what was important rather than what we thought, or seemed important. It is indeed God's will that we be sanctified, to live a life of holiness, by not indulging in sexual immorality but to lead pure lives.

5. Last but not least, the fellowship among the saints was unforgettable. Thank you, Bro Casey for making us work in groups. We had good times sharing our lives and testimonies with one another. It was heartwarming to see my group being so willing to help one another, and putting in their best efforts to help get the work done. What touched me was the willingness to cover one of our group mates, J, when she was going through a difficult time in her family. Everyone was so understanding, and everyone chipped in to relief her work. But J was also amazing, as we saw her heart of wanting to contribute in any way she could, even in the midst of her family situation. Thanks, Fiery Five. You guys made the course great fun!

God indeed put us in communities for us to learn, grow and love. I learnt to get to know people for who they are, as every face tells a story indeed.

This course has been very beneficial. Though it was challenging doing the homework and all, it was worth it, as we learnt more through our homework. Thank God for Bro Casey who taught with passion and with great wisdom. Kudos to you, teacher!

My personal conclusion after going through this class, is that, we can never fully and completely interpret the bible, because we only know in part. I guess that is why Jesus is the Author and Perfector of our faith, and we live out our faith as best as we know how. I know God is most pleased when we live out our faith and live out His Word. Learning the Word in a deeper way helps me then, to live out my life as a pleasing sacrifice, holy and acceptable to Him. I know this is Eternal Life and this is what pleases Him.

(Of course, I do feel a bit smarter after this class, haha!)

Some happenings lately

2010-03-12T16:44:00.002+08:00

Taiwan

I was in Taiwan for part-work-part-play last week. Incidentally, some other people were there too... Gerald, Yam, Claudia, Shirls, Collin. They brought out the beauty of Taiwan, and I realized Taiwan is indeed a fun place to be in. I feel very blessed that God has given me the opportunity to have such enriching exoerience - to work, travel and know another place like 2nd home after Singapore. We watched Monga which was a great movie! We went to Shi Lin Night market, made new spectacles, shopped, ate, enjoyed the wonderful weather.

Mon-Tue
The Mon and Tue that just passed were very very challenging at work for me.. I nearly could not take it.. this seldom happens. The Lord reminded me of His Promise for me in Psalms 16:5-11:

5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let
your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

You delivered me on Tuesday, thanks to my boss, and I saw Your plan unfold that bit more, and I saw Your promise coming to light a bit more. Thank You, Lord!

Currently

I watched Twilight and Twilight New Moon on the plane, and I was hooked. It was such a beautiful show - fantasy, dreamy, romantic. Yes, it's a teeny-bob kind of show, but I found myself having flashbacks of the movie, of the romance between the ever-cool-and-extremely-handsom Edward Cullens and the girl. (it's obvious the girl is not as significant as the vampire). But their love is so intense, so deep, so unreal, so beautiful...

I then learnt that Part 3 is called Eclipse and Part 4 is called Breaking Dawn. And the books are out already. After much contemplation, I went to buy Eclipse and I have been glued to it since Wednesday. Man, it was like reading one of those "Sweet Dreams" or "Sweet Valley High" romance novels when I was young. Even Gerald said he has never seen me like that... (with hints of jealousy for Edward Cullens I think, haha). Anyway, I assured him that his love for me was like Edward Cullens'. *winks*

Anyway, I hope to be able to finish the book by this weekend, and am not sure if I can resist buying part 4. Anyway, I am surpirsed at myself, for being so obsessed over this crappy, teeny-bopper kind of book. (I was even slightly embarrased when I brought the book to the cashier in the bookshop, haha). So, for once, I am very happy when people tell me they will be late for appointments with me, cos then I'll have that pocket to sneak at my book, haha.

Till Breaking Dawn (finishes), I'll be off for a while... ;)

2010....

2010-01-15T11:22:00.004+08:00

We're in 2010! Seemed so faraway when we were in our 1996... Yr 2000 was a big millennium, and in a flash, we have passed a decade in the new millennium..... big thing...

Well, 2009 closed on quite a painful note... we lost it again... this time it was more painful than the previous two, cos we had higher hopes. There wasn't any heartbeat. The loss and the disappointment were heart wrenching. The feelings were deja vu too... We just had to deal with it. We were looking forward very much to 2010 cos' we were expecting a bundle of joy, but the turn of events sent us into a whirl of loss and confusion.

I asked Him why, even though I know for a fact and with deep conviction that He IS good and has the best plan for my life. I cried everytime I thought of what I lost (again). It was quite a dazed week whilst I recuperated at my mum's place... then we went to visit a couple who has had the same experiences before. I thought I'd be sobbing the whole time during the visit, but amazingly, I was soooo encouraged in my heart and lifted in my spirit! Indeed, we overcome with the testimony of the saints! I concluded after the visit, that I may never know why it happened, and why my Ever-Loving Father allowed it. But I know that He will never 'waste" ANYTHING that happens in our lives, and I know that I have the opportunity to know Him more. It's really not about knowing the whys to all of life's happenings, but it's really about Knowing Him. I look forward to knowing Him for Who He is, not what He gives/bestows/blesses.

We went away for a short trip to Phuket on a last-minute decision, and had a great rest there. The villa was v v lovely, surrounded with lush greenery and foilage. We just spent the morning reading on the day bed with the rain falling outside... It was a wonderful feeling of freshness and rest...

We thank God for all the good things He has given us... I thank God even more for my dear husband, the greater gift (than what i lost) whom He has blessed me with. I thank God for saving me from eternal death, and gave me eternal life. i thank God for giving me so so many good gifts in my lifetime - my family, my house, my church, my job and many more. How can I look at this (seemingly) bad thing and fault Him for not being good to me...? That, will be too petty and narrow-minded.

I am back at work this week already, sorted out what happened, dealt with the loss and emotions, and ready to start the new exciting year and being eager to know Him and what He's gonna do in my life.

My friends, if you are reading this, and feel bad for me, or even question about why God, if He is

good and loving, will allow such things to happen...? I can only say that things happen to everyone - christians, non-christians alike. The same sun shines on both, but the great thing is that, because He loves me and has saved me and for what he has done on the cross for me, I have hope amidst the valleys. And I have also learnt, that, it is in the valleys that He will carry me through... and.... morning ALWAYS comes...

I want to walk with You all the days of my life, for better or for worse, till death do us meet....

Happy New Year!

The Lord delivers!!

2009-12-21T22:13:00.005+08:00

PT said "You see that?"

I nearly teared.... because You delivered what He promised.
God, I rest in Your Promise & I am assured that You are with us.
Lord, I know everything works for the good of those who love You.
Your Promises are good and You are not One who lies,
but who will bring about Your Promises.
I declare Your perfect plan in my life.
I know 2010 will be different, cos this is the time You planned for the big change.
I pray I will only grow close to You, know You more.
It's not about the gift, but You, The Giver.
I praise You because You are so so good!

Merry Christmas!

Smell the cool air of Christmas...

2009-11-20T15:35:00.002+08:00

*sniff sniff*

I LOVE the smell of Christmas... These few mornings, when I wake up, I feel like Christmas is in the air already... I am just indulging myself in this feeling now for these 2 months. As year-end approaches, I am filled with warmth, joy, nostalgia, love, yet am plagued with apprehensions and uncertainty about the new year, as my sales targets get reset to zero & it's a year of marathon (& long-suffering) again...

It's been raining, raining, raining... and I LURVE it!

I am writing this blog partly cos it's been eons since I wrote something, and partly to just kill time as I am stuck at work during such a wonderful, festive season. When I look out of my office, I imagine people who aren't working and shopping away, soaking in the festivity... Ok, I am jealous...

Anyway, I just got back from a fire drill... saved by the bell (of boredom).

This post is pretty mundane, but I guess it's still writin something..

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas to you!

Loving Thy Neighbour

2009-08-18T16:30:00.006+08:00

The Parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37)

25On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
26"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"

27He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

28"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

29But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

30In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. 35The next day he took out two silver coins[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'

36"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"

37The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise."

**********************************************************

I felt God has been working in my heart lately... One of the areas is about giving up my personal space, rights, time, sleep, energy, etc.. the point is, God has been speaking to me about me protecting myself a lot... A lot of things has been brewing, and I see a lot of things around me that are far from perfect. On one hand, they frustrate me and make me feel indignant, on the other hand, I chose indifference, because it seemed easier to deal with. After quite a lot of things that had happened, esp that in my heart in July 09, I believe God brought me thru the valley to prepare to expand my heart.

So, for the past few weeks, I felt God has been nudging me, and somehow, the Holy Spirit has been making me uncomfortable in my spirit-man. Maybe picking up the book "Meeting yourself in the parables" by Warren Wiersbe was inspired by Him. The above parable was the one that struck me a lot and brought out a lot of things I had been feeling (bad) and challenged me greatly in my soul.

I knew I had to stop being indifferent. I knew I had to do something, if not I would wallow into self-destruction cos of the disease of "Me, myself & I" ("MMI"). We were never made for this "MMI" disease. Well, we were made for fellowship! We were made for His Kingdom. We were made with eternity in our hearts! We were not made so we can lick our wounds (all the time), find means and ways to keep loving ourselves, protect our interests and needs first, and so on. God said we were made to Love Him, to fellowship with Him and to do His work! And what is His work and to love Him? It is, as He has said many times over... to love Him and to love others.

Being involved in ministry and activities does NOT equate to loving Him & loving others. We need to check our hearts for these. Today, I read 1 Samuel 15:22, "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." Think He desires our fellowship and our loving one another, more than us just sacrificing offerings (things) to Him. I guess, anything that is done out of the flesh and not from our heart and love, is like a resounding gong and is like burnt offerings and not (exactly) obedience.

I want to love others, to be involved, to get my hands dirty... and not stand at the sideline and complain, murmur, and just NATO (No action, talk only). I don't want to wait till conditions are more conducive or better, or wait till people do something. I guess, I want to obey God TODAY, so i want to get involved in people. I pray that He will sustain and fan this conviction which I believe was stirred up by Him (anyway).

I want to remember this lesson that God taught me personally... I am honoured to be His student and He, my Master.

Mark 11:23

2009-06-05T09:33:00.004+08:00

Jesus said, "Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:23

This verse which I read this morning as I sat at my work desk encouraged my heart greatly. Met an ex-colleague yesterday for lunch and she never fails to encourage me with her simple faith and her love for God. She was sharing with me how she prayed and asked God specifically to help her with her clients, give her boldness and courage to manage them even when they are very difficult and demanding. She said she used to pray for patience (long-suffering), but she changed her prayer and asked God for favor, boldness, protection at work. This morning, I read Shuz's blog and she testified about praying specifically (pertaining her job) and God answered her prayers man!

Last night I prayed for some stuff about my work and prayed for my hubby's business and we prayed in Jesus' name, and we claim them by His Grace. Afterall, God didn't give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline! (2 Tim 2:7) I realized that having an uplifting, faith-filled spirit in prayer is not easy to sustain. It's easy to "just pray" (passively), but it takes effort and consciousness to pray with faith and with belief and to pray with power & energy.

O Lord, I want to pray with power, taking hold of Your Word! Help me!

You said in Matthew 7:7-8 [ Ask, Seek, Knock ] "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." God, these are Your written promises in your Word. I hold on to them and choose to cast away the rationalizations, the doubts, the passivity and the "weighing-of-situations". I prayed and I know I will see them come to pass: things at work WILL be better, I WILL hit my targets, not jus tthis year, but next year and every year, by His Grace. I will learn to work in my company, and I will see Your plans come to pass. Gerald WILL see fruits from his business cos it's started by You. I need thee every hour, be with me, talk to me, commune with me, that I may know that You are with me ALL the time, every hour, every minute.

Pray in faith and belief - that's what I am learning.

Kuching LC and updates

2009-05-28T15:12:00.002+08:00

We were at the Kuching LC from 19-24 May 09. It was my 1st LC and it was GREAT! The teachings were inspiring, and God spoke thru people to me. God gave me new courage and boldness to carry on this race. He told me to let nothing move me, but to keep on the race He has designed for me. He told me 1 Tim 6:12. He told me what He told King Jehoshaphat to take up his position, and the battle belongs to Him. He told me what I do influence the eternity of people - that was impactful. It made sense of the things that I do and I struggle with.
It has been pretty rough at work for the past 1 month... Rules of the game have changed, things have evolved but targets still remain, expectations are still high... it's not so much about how much bonus you are working for, but whether or not u still have ur job. But deep in my heart, I am confident that God will sustain me and keep me in my job, and I choose to believe in that because I believe He brought me into this line and He wants me to succeed. With this faith, I shall hold on to Him with regards to my job.
I've been struggling for a while now, with regards to my ministry.. but God has spoken to my heart and cheered me on.. I feel I am not up to mark, inadequate, and sort of screwed up things, but God has asked me to do what I do, and He has refreshed me with His vision for me. I have also decided to spend time listening to Him and do what He tells me to, instead of just running around solving problems. He loves me, and will help and equip me for the task He calls me to do.
It's been one year since I got married. Much has happened and transpired between us. We still have pronounced differences and differing ways of doing things and different points of views, but I thank God for Gerald because he is a wonderful man of God, with a soft heart towards Him and who loves me a lot - that was why I married him. I look forward to many many years ahead with him, that our relationship will mature like wine... I look forward to this journey that God has taken me on with Gerald.
God is the Lord of my life. I know in all things, He always takes care of me and plans the best for me, all to prosper me, not to harm me - this I am convicted of!

Aftermath of Japan...

2009-04-17T12:48:00.003+08:00

Just so recently this time we were probably walking around, looking at sights and scenary, thinking of where we should settle down for lunch, or even finished lunch, in that cold weather with sun ablazing at the same time.. Gerald & I were in Japan for a timely, long, good holiday for 2 weeks till Good Friday.
Many people asked us how was the holiday, and good was the answer (of course). But more than the good scenary, sights, experiences, food, what was better was the time spent together, communicating, having shared experiences, bonding and just being together. We realized that reality robs a lot of quality time from us. Once we came back and I started work, I counted that at best, we spend maximum of about 4.5 hrs with each other after work, miuns the sleeping hours. And within these 4-5hrs, we eat, bathe, QT, etc... I know that's reality and that's no excuse of neglecting people around us. I guess we really have to work around whatever we have and make the best out of it.
Through things that happen in our lives, I guess we learn more about ourselves and learn more about God's character. I learnt more and more about this truth: All things work for the good of those who love Him. No matter what happens, I know His Grace is Sufficient for me to go through life with Him.
I learnt that God loves me so much, that come what may, He knows best and He works all things for my good.
Oh, this didn't turn out to be a telling of what went on in Japan and all the holiday stories... seems like it turned out to be a learning entry...
But whatever it is, I still look forward to our next holiday; I see the value in it...

Struggles and sleeplessness

2009-03-20T10:58:00.005+08:00

Last night was a long night... I couldn't bring myself to shut my eyes to sleep... It wasn't insomnia, restlessness, worry (unusual), or the usual why-you-can't-sleep reasons, but it was the immense struggle within me about myself.

I'd been reading a book called "Loving God" by Charles Colson. It's a compelling book & I encourage you to read it if you want a wake-up call for your christian walk. It's basic, yet so profound and probing. I was in Taiwan last week and I was at the book while waiting for a client. That reading gripped me (further). It exposed the evil-ness and ugliness of me, that innate desire to self-glorify, that inevitable nature of sinfulness, the natural instinct to do things my way, treat people for self-gain or self-interest. It brought about a re-awakening of my faith and brought me back to long-ago when I was an infant Christian. I felt like I was a reset. I was rather down and upset about my evil-ness, selfishness, self-interest. The only thing that encouraged me and prevented me from sliding down the way of self-condemnation and guilt-destruction was His Word, Romans 7:21-8:2 (The Message)
17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.

Romans 8
The Solution Is Life on God's Terms
1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

The NIV version of Romans 8:1-2 says it more in-your-face:
1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Anyway, it has been a struggle in my heart over the past week and I am still very conscious of it, which is good so that I hope I can become a better person, pleasing to God and loving others.

Back to last night... Gerald & I had a quarrel last night over something small. This is not the 1st since a few weeks back, we've been having squabbles, quarrels, disagreements over many things - small & big, trivial & important. But last night was quite a crescendo. I had prayed about this 2 nights ago and had asked God to help me be a better person and a better wife: less quarrelsome, less anal about trivia matters, less particular about things around the house, less critical or impatient. And I read another book briefly that in a marriage, you need to have the spirit of reconciliation, not retaliation. Only with the heart of reconciliation will things be mended and hurts and bitterness not grow and take deeper roots. Anyway, it dawned upon me last night how our marriage had deteriorated, how I had become totally myself and allowed myself to just "let go". I guess it is inevitable that in marriage, you see the real self of each other, but I guess good marriages are made up of sinful and "real" people who exercise self-control and grow in the Fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, self-control). I am tempted at this juncture to make a disclaimer (that I am not as horrible as what I wrote), haha, but what an irony to all the above that I mentioned. See, the self-glorification part is looming...
Anyway, I couldn't bring myself to sleep last night cos to a certain extent, I wanted to "punish" myself not to sleep but to remember how awful I have been. (Maybe something like punishing kids to stand isolated in their naughty corner) I really felt horrible about myself, and for a moment, even thought that was the point of no return. But I thank God for my loving husband who allowed me to ruminate all the thoughts and emotions in myself and telling me that God forgives us and loves us. I guess that IS the Truth which I found hard to accept. I think till' a point I decided to let go of myself and allow God to take over, to forgive me, to dispense His Grace and Mercy, then I was able to rest. Of course, all stories have an end. Gerald & I made up, sought forgiveness from each other, prayed together, watched a lil' TV and then went to bed in peace and love.

And they slept happily ever after....

Haha, till' the next time, God loves me no matter how I fail and how evil and ugly I am, because I acknowledge that I am sinful and receive Him as my Lord & Saviour!

The War over Worry

2009-03-20T10:57:00.002+08:00

I got this article off Shuzhen's blog. (Thanks, sis!) This is SO applicable for me...

The War over Worry by Adrian Rogers
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? (Matt 6:25-26)
Somebody did a study about what the average person worries about. They found that forty percent of what people worry about never happens. And thirty percent of what people worry about have already happened and you can't do anything about it. Twelve percent of what the average person worries about is what others say about you, which most of the time is untrue. Finally, according to this survey, ten percent of worry deals with your health and worrying will only make that worse!

That leaves about eight percent of the things that are considered to be real problems… and worry will not do any good with these either! Why is it that we worry about a lot of things that are not going to happen or already have happened? It’s like the little lady said one time, “Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good. Most of the things I worry about never happen.”

Let me share with you four ways you can win the war over worry:

Trust in the Lord

God wants to prove Himself to you. Let me ask you, “How do you know that the Lord is the joy of your life?” You don’t know, until He takes away your automobile or your health or your home or your family. When you say, “Jesus is all I need” make sure you can prove it. You’ll never know Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.

Do Good

One of the signs that you’re not trusting God is that you drop out of your usual activities. They get down. You say, “I lost my job!” Well, what are you doing about it? “Well, I’m just sitting around the house!” Well, quit it! Get out there and do something because you’re trusting God to provide!

Delight Yourself in the Lord

Do you want to have a life of joy? Then, put your faith in something, or should I say Someone, who cannot be touched – the Lord! God isn’t finished with you until you find your greatest joy in Him alone. Now take the sentence very slowly – God is going to keep giving you this test until you pass it. He doesn’t flunk anybody out. And so, if you don’t pass this time, He’ll just run you through again.

Commit Your Way to the Lord

“Commit” literally means “to roll.” It means to roll your burden on the Lord. Whatever that burden is, you are to give it to God. His shoulders are broad enough. Matthew 11:30 says, “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Is someone critical of you today? Give it to Jesus. Has someone hurt you? Give it to Jesus. Are you unsure about your future? Give it to Jesus.

Rest In The Lord

This word “rest” means “to be silent.” We want our answers yesterday. And God is saying, “Hush! Rest in Me!” Friend, God isn’t interested in time. He’s interested in timing. He’s never in a hurry. And He’s never late. Waiting on the Lord is like waiting for the sun to rise. You can’t hurry it. And you can’t stop it.

His ways are higher than ours...

2009-02-24T09:48:00.003+08:00

This month has been challenging and eventful... Chinese New Year came and go, gave out red packets for the 1st time in my life for CNY... I was pregnant and now I am not, so I experienced both pregnancy and now, pregnancy-free..

This whole pregnancy deal has been an interesting event, and I thank God for this experience because He was so close and real to me... I found out I was pregnant on 11 Jan this year. When I came back from my business trip, it was off to the gynae to check on the pregnancy (as I also lost one in Nov last year). 1st visit was ok... 2nd visit started the struggles. The 2nd visit showed that my waterbag wasn't growing as big as it should be, and the gynae was worried. I spent the next few days at home, wrestling a lot in my heart between facts and faith. I chose Faith. What else could I do but look to the Almighty who holds everything in His Hands. From His Word, He encouraged me to think about things that are praiseworthy, good, pure, true (Phil 4:8), and His Word said that every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James). He also spelled that faith is believing in what we do not see (Heb 11). I could only trust Him as opposed to dwelling and meditating on the facts (& fears). That was my 1st lesson of faith during the pregnancy. Every week we looked forward anxiously to the gynae visit to see how the pregnancy was progressing.

There was continued ups and downs, and then the morning sickness came and all... That was the ups, believe it or not... but 2 weeks ago, on the 5th visit, the worst-feared became reality - there wasn't any heartbeat. It came as quite a shock to us and we were quite shaken. This time it was a greater loss as we really HAD the pregnancy. We even talked to the foetus and prayed for it everyday.. We went home and the mourning and loss set in. Crying, someone told me, is good. It's therapeutic; it is God's way of healing our souls. Both of us cried and mourned at our loss. The next day, I went for the D&C (washing out of the waterbag and all). It was the 1st time I was on General Anaesthetic. I spent the next week at my mum's place recuperating and resting...

Of course, there were the whys; but we had it, and now we don't, etc... One of the most painful is the knowledge that Gerald was really happy when I was pregnant, and I know how he loves to have kids of our own.. but somehow I knew that God knows His plans for us, and that He knows everything that we were going through, and that His ways are higher than our ways. I reckoned that we may not understand the why of this whole matter, and we may not know for even the next 5, or 10 years or longer. But one day (even if in heaven), we will know, and from now till then, our take is to trust in our God who is faithful and unfailing. I read a book "Loving God" by Charles something. He said that loving God is ultimately about Obeying Him no matter what the outcome, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the risks and costs. I desire to please my Almighty God with this: to obey and trust that He knows best.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines His steps.

Proverbs 16:9

With that I knew that all is in His will. I also know that through this, I got to learn about faith and trust, which are the areas we prayed that we will grow in this year. We know that He is a good God and He holds our future in His Hands.
This experience made me more resolved that I serve a Living and Almighty God who loves and cares for me, and who has made me for greatness and His Kingdom. I am honoured that He chooses to work in me, to make me more like Him and to be an aroma to Him. I have so much more to learn and go through, to change and be more like Him. Like Ps Jeff preached on Sun, it's time we circumcised our hearts and be prepared for His Harvest and His Work to come.

I look forward to having a healthy child who's planned by Him, and we know that He will bless us and do this miracle in our lives. We are excited to see it come to pass. Through what happened this month, I also came to appreciate Gerald a lot more. His love for God brings security to our relationship especially in turbulent times. His love for me is shown by actions in the housework he udnertakes and making sure that I am totally comfortable esp when I was pregnant. His love and tenderness is magnified through this and I can't thak God enough for giving me sucha wonderful husband.

On a lighter note, we went away for a lil' getaway over the weekend, as our combined service was on Sat. I booked a room at The Scarlet Hotel and wanted to surprise Gerald. I thought, after all the happenings, plus his stressful work, I really wanted to give him a nice surprise... I managed to trick him to the hotel on the pretext of going to check out a new hang out place... and then surprised him. I got our clothes and all packed into a bag and he didn't suspect. It was fun surprising him cos it brings me such joy that he is happy... that's why it is true that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Praise God for His ways! That hotel is exquisite, luxurious and comfortable... it was a great time "Nua-ing", watching DVDs, going to Maxwell market to eat and hang out there..

I am back to work and it takes some readjustments... especially the waking-up in the morning... but no matter what, thank God that I still have my job in this market. And I also believe that God will continue to bless and prosper me in my job so that I can be an influence and an example of His Glory and Blessings. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Exercising FAITH!

2009-01-23T17:30:00.007+08:00

Faith is something that is easy to talk about, encourage others, think about, and even have. I liken it to the muscles in our body - they are there, but will only grow and strengthen when we exercise it. This was a concept I learnt many years ago, but recently I was reminded of it again.

Year 2009 is a year of Faith and Trust in God for Gerald & I, both personally and as a family. And as we speak of it, (naturally), we get tested in precisely the area we want to grow in: Faith.

God is a Loving God. That's a fact. The things that happen to us and that we go through do not change that fact. This is something I need faith to grasp and accept. When circumstances that aren't so nice befall upon us, I learnt and am still learning that I need to hang on to the Word of God and keep meditating on it. Yes, naturally I worry, but I have to consciously "fight" against worrying. I have to consciously remind myself His Words and His Promises.

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I've been reading a book by Cho Yongi called "The 4th Dimension, Vol 2". He talks about visualization. I learnt that in exercising faith, part of it constitutes visualizing what is good, what God's words promise. I also learnt that faith is about CHOICE. We choose what we want to believe in and what we meditate on.

Philippians 4:8

Finally brother, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pre, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.

I have to keep reminding myself to push away those oh-so-prevalent negative thoughts. And it doesn't help that I am a worst-case scenario person. But I choose to dwell on God's words. Sometimes it seems naive and foolish, but I'll choose to please God by total abandonment of trust and faith in Him. I'll even rather err on the side of foolishness by just clinging on to Him.

Another lesson of faith I learnt recently is this: Faith welds power out of God (whether He likes it or not, to put it bluntly). In Luke8:43-47, the bible talks about the story of the bleeding woman. When she touched Jesus' cloak, she was healed because she told herself that if she does that, she will be healed. And Jesus felt power left Him even though He did not speak or dispense any power (willingly). Faith welds power out of God.

God, I only have You to turn to. Only You can help me... Jesus, I will choose to have faith in you, that all good and perfect gifts come from above. You give good things to us. You will help me through! Lesson No. 1 of Faith for 2009! I look forward to great things cos Faith can cause the mountain to throw itself into the sea by speaking it. Help me to know you, love you, trust you and grow in my reliance and intimacy with You. I wanna know you more!!!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T15:06:00.005+08:00

*champagne popping, whistling, shouts of "Happy New Year", the fanfare and the excitement*

Today's Jan 2nd. The above description was over and done with on Dec 31st. Time, indeed waits for no man... It doesn't linger, it knows no one, no situation, and it doesn't tick or stop depending on what and what-nots... It chugs along as it is dutied to do so... I was pondering about 2008 and how Time just passed 2008 by... What could I recall? Time. It is with time that you recognize events, happenings and activities. In order for me to reflect on 2008, I took our my diaries and flipped through Time.

2008 has been eventful and life-changing. Indeed, people said, the 2nd most important decision one makes in life other than whether to know Jesus personally or not, is who to marry. Who one marries maketh the man/woman..
I believe Gerald made me a better woman. This union in marriage has taught me sooo much, opened my eyes to things I never comprehended or understood, gave me insights of life and our destiny. A marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and His Church (see previous post). A marriage is the ultimate brother-sister-in-Christ relationship cos' you fellowship with each other everyday. It's like super extended church camp when you wake up and your room-mate sees you, when you talk loudly, eat hungrily, sleep snoring, and interacting with one another for an extended period of time. A marriage is about denying oneself - that is what God wants us to do in our life on earth: to love Him and love others.. nothing said about loving self (only). A marriage helps one to think for the other and listen, instead of just talking about oneself all the time. Marriage changes a person; it's inevitable. If you take it well in your stride and submit to each other with reverance for Jesus, it is a wonderful learning experience. I love being married to Gerald. Thank You Lord.

ASPT (Adults Service Programming Team) was borne. It is a channel for my passion and I am humbled that God allowed me to be involved. I thank God for the team I work with, they who bear with my brashness, my "strict-ness", my frankness and my passion:

Rachel Tan

Ange

Roy

Wendy Tan

Ronald

Ron

How Joo

Rachael Lee

Chris Goh

Ah Long

Diana

Gerald

Geofrrey

Steven

Bernnise

Lynette

Elaine Lim

Pei Key

Thank you for giving your best! It's my honor and privilege to work with you guys. You guys are so gifted by God and it's great to see all the talents work together for His Kingdom. Let's ask Him to take us places!

There are so much to give thanks to God for 2008. Time was spent meaningfully, and I thank God for that.
But year-end tends to invoke some melancholy. (Having done a quick survey with my colleagues around me, I am not the only one.) Year 2009 is a challenging year: the financial market looks gloomy, ministry looks challenging, and many uncertainties loom, with storms brewing inevitably as it's life. But I wrote in my diary last night and shared with my confidante (Gerald), that I want to declare 2009 as a year of victory, fruitfulness, success, properity and growth because God is all that. As we spent time praying and worshipping last night, God was faithful and affirmed a HUGE fruit in a vision He impressed in my mind, and concertedly, spoke to Gerald from His Word during his QT with Him earlier on. I believe even more that He will bring fruitfulness to our family in 2009!

With God, all things are possible! With trust in God, even if storms are to come my way, I will choose to look up to the hills where my Help comes from - my Helper and Maker. What a wonderful and uplifting way to start the new year. He is our Provider and Sustenance!

What does 2009 hold for you...? Is it the doom and gloom that looms (anyway), or the quiet confidence that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and He is watching over you...?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's beginning to look like Christmas...

2008-12-23T15:50:00.003+08:00

This is one of my favourite seasons... Christmas...It's beautiful, and everyday feels so good. The air feels crisp and joyful somewhat... Of course, my special day is around Christmas, so that adds to the celebrative mood...

Another year is coming to an end.. Maybe it's also the time to be nostalgic... 2008 seemed like yesterday when it started... today, it's coming to the end... 2008 has been a memorable and eventful year indeed... The Lord has blessed me overwhelmingly and I can't help but feel so loved and blessed... He gave me a wonderful husband, a great job, a fantastic and fulfilling church ministry, a crazy and committed bunch of people (in ASPT) whom I work with in our ministry, a warm and cosy lovenest, and all the finances we needed to get married and to get our house and all... God NEVER fails and He gives us only the best stuffs...

Our church Christmas celebration is tomorrow, with an exciting programme lined up and a time for people to hear about Jesus @ The Rock.

Here's wishing you, my dear friends, a very blessed and Merry Christmas..

Musings...

2008-11-06T10:17:00.016+08:00

God is a faithful God!

On Mon, we had WAM night cum Combined Team Ministry Night... I was very ministered; I was encouraged; I was refreshed by The Faithful God.. I'd been feeling dry spiritually & kinda felt lousy about it... I told God about it that night, and He spoke to me through the Praise & Worship, the words spoken, the sharing... I felt He understood and He cared... I resolved to walk with Him, spend time with Him and keep close to Him... Since that night and since spending better time with Him, I feel joyful, nourished and my soul less parched; I love this feeling!

Gerald is a wonderful husband... I thank God everytime I look at him or think about him.. He is godly, faithful, patient, loving, fun-loving, gracious, appreciative, takes a lot of my nonsense.... and still think the world of me. He encourages me with his love for God. We concluded that we are effective with God at different times: I am used to and probably better at night (though I am not a night owl), he is better in the mornings, and with unhurried time... If I do wake up very early like Jesus and Gerald, I'll be struggling half the time with the zzzz monster and won't be effective... So we decided to do our QTs at different times, and we've been comfortable with the arrangement... I'm impressed that he has been waking up at 6am in the mornings to spend good time with God... and I've been "fed" by God before I sleep and wake up the next day having those words in my heart...

Allow me to continue raving about my husband.. Yesterday, we were on our way home on the bus, and he suddenly said,

"Why don't you go buy a dress...?"

*question mark ?? question mark ??*

I gave him that "HUH?" look... that was quite out of the blue... then he continued, "When I get my bonus, I'll buy a dress for you ok...?"

WOW! Talk about pleasant surprises.... I was very touched, and I felt so loved... Receiving gifts is not my highest Love Language, but it's the gesture and thought of getting me something when he gets his bonus.... that was what touched me more...

We've been staying in our Lovenest for about 2 months now, and we've hosted several groups of people and had friends over, like the Eugene-Choon Yam-HL-Peiks-etc group, care group, Choon Yam's DMM, drama group, Vivian, Yean Shien, ... We love to have people over, to be a blessing and to be blessed... everytime I am in my house, or when I think of it, I can't help but to thank God so much for His Provision and His blessings poured unto us...

Last Sun we didn't go to church... I guess most in the Adults Region didn't too... It was an interesting feeling.. We had an Adults Combined Svc last Friday, 31 Oct 08, at Sing Post.. It was an awesome time and we thank God for His Presence and for all the visitors and new believers! I was very encouraged when I saw many people brought their friends for the first time... that is why we want to do services well. We want to see God touch lives...

A good friend shared these verses with me:

7 "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the LORD ?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my
God.

It's true indeed. In this financial crisis and market turmoil, I believe in this even more - that contentment is great gain indeed. Many people I speak to are thinking deep about their priorities and what life is about... It's an opportune time to shout that Jesus NEVER changes, and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever more, and His Church is truly the institution that will last forever.

I've heard recently of some people who want to do big things, earn big bucks, be real successful in the world, for God (apparently). I don't doubt their motives that they want to do God proud, and that is appluadable, but I doubt they really understand and know what they really want and why they really want to do it. Being successful, ambitious and successful in the market, in my humble view means 2 things: Ministry of Giving and Ministry of Humility. It is a lot of struggle to be in the world but not of the world. It is a constant challenge to consecrate your heart and keep your heart and motives pure and not be driven or lost in the allure of wealth and power. I may not comprehend fully nor live a long time successfully to tell the tale, but I have my fair share of struggles as people perceive that I am successful in the world. If God wants me in where I am, I will give my best and be faithful in eveything that I am tasked to do, but if God thinks I am better off without all that I have, I have to rejoice and be faithful in the small things, and give my utmost best regardless. I learnt from Joseph from the bible. He gave his best, honoured God in all he did, including being in jail... trouble came knocking on his door, yet he always found favour in God's eyes... So, for those who want to do big things for God, ask God to lead and in His timing. Be faithful in what you do now, strive for the best, but everything happens in His time and only if He wills for it to happen... Like I tell people (especially in this financial market), "人算, 不如天算."

Just love Him and accord everything you have to Him... If He thinks you are faithful with the small things, He will task us with the bigger things in His time... be patient... time is our friend...

God is a faithful God!

sick of being sick...

2008-10-23T18:07:00.002+08:00

I'd been sick AGAIN... yes, not just again, but again and again... & i simply have no explanation... I fell sick on the week of Sep 6 2008 (when I moved into my new house)... then I fell sick again around Sep 23 2008, and I'd been sick for the past 4 days.... *sneeze* I had fever for the 1st 2 days, body ached like bird, and I thought I'd contracted dengue fever... it was horrible... till I went back to doc and asked her for a jab... Then the flu and cold heightened.... *atishoo*

My boss asked me why, my friends asked me why, my parents asked me why.... I ask myself why... and I can't find an explanation at all...

- lack of rest? Not really... my average sleeping time is about 11pm...
- stress about the financial crisis? Not really too (or so I think)...
- not taking care of myself enough? No leh... I'd been popping vitamins, taking Scotts Emulsion, drinking lots of "cooling" stuff, eating home-cooked (or rather, self-cooked) food...
- ah...maybe the housework...??? Maybe... just maybe... this is the only additional activity in my life that can get quite "siong" when I'm at it... But how bad can washing and scrubbing the toilet and glass shower screen do to my body....? My dear husband has asked me to go easy on the toilet-scrubbing... I am not sure I wanna bow down to the toilet so easily...
- lack of exercise? This is universal, isn't it? But ain't that toilet-scrubbing a form of strenuous exercise? I perspire like bird and feels so tired after that.... doesn't that feel or sound like exercise...? U are free to comment on this...

With this bout of sickness, I stayed in my mum's house for the past 4 days... with ready-cooked food, and my 2 nephews who never fail to entertain me.... My wonderful husband suggested that on the 1st day i fell sick, cos in his absence (to work), he wanted to make sure I was well taken care of...

Back to work tomorrow... my nose & ear are still blocked due to the cold... I'm starting to cough a lil... *cough*.. God, I dunno why.. but You must know what's happening... and it gives me comfort to know that You know why... maybe You are telling me to take care of my body and it manages the past-30 phase....

*sniff sniff cough cough*

Married + Love Nest + Crazy market

2008-09-19T11:36:00.013+08:00

As you can see, I am finally updating my blog, and there are 3 topics I will write about today..

Married

I realized my last entry was when I was single, counting down to my wedding. My wedding was GREAT, wonderful, beautiful, ideal (for me), and most importantly, God-filled. God was there on our special day, and He made the world of difference with His presence. The weather was perfect, the guests were unbelievable, and our love was evident. I thank God He touched my family there. Of course, I was beautiful! Hehehe...
Today, I am happily married to the man of my life, who (still) thinks the world of me... Many people ask the same question, "So, how's married life?" And my answer is always the same, "It's GREAT!" Our love has evolved since we 1st got together.. It started as heart-stopping, butterflies-in-stomach kind of love. I don't think that has totally disappeared. I still smile when I see my husband and I still look forward to being with him. Now, it's more down-to-earth, commitment, stable, you-know-you-are-together-for-life, comfortable-being-with-each-other, cannot-bear-not-having-each-other kind of love... I love this man, and love being with him all the time..

Love Nest

We've finally moved into our new home. Yes, it's our love nest. After all the blood-vomitting, cash-bleeding, time-consuming months of renovation and preparation, we finally moved in! Our place is lovely, cosy and ours... We prayed and asked God to let our house turn out nice and ideal... And as what He does best, He did. He gave us a great designer/contractor as well. Having stayed there for 2 weeks, I miss my house when I come to work. Gerald is a wonderful partner-in-housework. He shares the load of cleaning, mopping, fixing. He is a faithful & willing helper indeed. (I do my fair share too!) We are excited to have people to our house, we want our house to be a blessing, to be a refuge, to be a place for people to connect, minister, be ministered, to laugh, love and to cry. We want our house to be a channel where God will use to extend His Kingdom, build His people and cause things to happen. So, we try to make our home guests, visitors, party-friendly.

Crazy market

In the midst of all these, the outside world is in topsy-turvy. The market is in a mess, the crisis is unbelievable and unfathomable. Banks are going bust, everyone else is affected and merging, buying and selling. But deep in my heart, I have this peace and joy, cos I know God is taking care of me, protecting me and watching over me. I feel so privileged to belong to Him, and to walk with Him. He has known everything that is to happen cos He is All-Knowing. He is in control of everything, because He is All-Powerful. I thank Him that I know Him and I am on His side, which is the side that always wins. I pray He will give me success in my work, so that I can be a testimony and so I can give back to Him what He gives me. He is always my Jehovah Jireh (Provider) & Jehovah Nissi (my Banner), and I thank God that His Word is always there, solid and never-changing, for me to hold on to.

"Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled". - Joshua 21:45

The Lord has blessed me with much, and I can't thank Him enough for them... I urge you to try Jesus; He is better than you think.

18 days more.....

2008-04-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

It's 18 days more to.................. my BIG Day!!! I'm getting married, can you even believe the sound of it.....??? getting married.......

It's amazing how the Lord has brought me thus far, to this point when I'm making the 2nd most important decision in my life (1st being knowing Jesus personally)... I am humbled that He chose to let me marry this wonderful man, so I may catch a glimpse of what His love is like....

I have a myriad of emotions within me... nope, it's not the "is he the right man for me...?" or "am i sure I wanna marry this man..?" kinda questions. It's no doubt he is the right man for me, and no doubt that I wanna marry this man... Recently some friends have been commenting (or re-iterating) that Gerald is a really nice and good man - with a good heart & husband-material... Think what i've been feeling are like "oh, I'm gonna leave my parents, how...?", "I've to grow up, how...?" This step is a major step out of my comfort zone... but I remember the night before we got together, that God reminded me unless a kernel of wheat dies and falls to the ground, it will not bear fruit... I know in walking out of my comfort zone, I will learn to be stronger in Him and trust Him even more...

I am excited about marrying this wonderful man, and spending every waking moment with him... I need to stop allowing all the what-ifs and the permutations to eat up my excitement and overtake my joy - the joy that my God has bestowed to me...

Thank You Lord for giving me this opportunity to know You in marriage to this wonderful man You have made for me...

The mystery of marriage...

2008-03-08T22:01:00.002+08:00

31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Book of Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 31,32

I am catching just a glimpse of the synonym of Christ's relationship with His church, and relationship between a man and woman in marriage. It's really one of a kind, one that is none like any other... It's my privilege that God allows me this opportunity to experience His love on earth.

It is through Gerald that I experience the tip of the iceberg of unconditional love on earth... He is a wonderful man, my other better half whom God has planned to come into my life to make me a better person... The ugly side of me are magnified when I am in a relationship that is so close... but he loves and accepts me as I am, and still thinking the world of me... Unthinkable...

I also experienced and am still learning, that marriage (relationship for now, cos I am not married yet) in God is whole and secured. When both of us individually gets our security from our God, and we come together, there is a lot of security in spite of our differences, misunderstandings, quarrels, mis-readings of each other, etc... but the moment we come together to pray to our Lord, Jesus Christ, everything fades away, and security and love is restored in Him... Again, it is indeed a privilege, that He allowed me to experience such security, wholeness and love...

Last but not least, both of us can never thank God enough that we are in His community, His Family... You can see how much we are loved:

This is the man I love with all my heart and the one who started a new chapter in my life... Thank You, God.

He popped THE question!!

2007-11-22T16:13:00.000+08:00

You only imagine such scenarios in your dream or on movies... when the man of your dreams pop the million-dollar question... yes, he finally did..... It was kinda surreal... The story goes....

Last Sunday night, we went for dinner at 7th Storey hotel. I've not been there before though many acclaim about the steamboat there.. We then proceeded to a Jap place for dessert... After which he sent me home and he had to come in to pick up his guitar which he left in the car from our MPC class on Sat... The guitar was in my room and I had to find a set of teachings for him, thus we were there. Then as I was packing him home, he sat down, fumbled with the guitar bag and said he wanted to show me something... he took out the guitar and was filled with emotions... and he said, he wants to propose to me...

Tears welled up in my eyes and I started to tear... he then played this song and sang to me... I continued to tear because I was very touched by the words...

SHOWER ME WITH YOUR LOVE (SURFACE)
My heart is filled with so much love
And I need someone I can call my own
To fall in love--that's what ev'ryone's dreaming of
I hold this feeling oh so strong
Life is too short to live alone
Without someone to call my own
I will care for you, you will care for me
Our love will live forever

Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for

I close my eyes and pray all my wishes come true
Ev'ry night I go to sleep
Until you're mine, I'll wait for you endlessly
Can't you see
Fairy tales, they do sometimes come true
If you believe, it could happen to you
Like the stars that shine way up in the sky
Our love will live forever

He was choked with emotions by the 2nd verse... I was very touched because it was SO sincere, SO real, SO down-to-earth... THAT, is Gerald for you...

He then whipped out the ring and asked, "Will you marry me?"

And I continued to tear with joy and said, "Yes, I will."

Like TV drama hor..... but it was magical... He said he called up quite a few hotels, asking if he could play the piano as he wants to propose, but was turned down cos they said he didn't have some license... DUH... I was touched, because it has been in his heart for this moment, and never took it lightly - that, too, touched me...

POP # 5

2007-11-06T17:36:00.000+08:00

Power of Praise # 5 - our Bangkok church's annual praise & worship concert...

It was AWESOME, and a GREAT time of learning for us who spent a few days with the worship team... The way they do things is SO professional and so excellent.

It never fails to refresh my heart everytime I visit our church in Thailand: their sweet spirit, excellence and tremendous hospitality is always a good reminder of how our church started and why I serve in such a God-loving church and movement. This time, I learnt a great deal about serving in the worship ministry and how to do events better... despite their busy schedule and stress, they don't tire in explaining to us why and what they do.. I was very touched by their kind sharing. I am inspired again to serve to my best ability, what God has called me to do... Thank you, Hope Bangkok worship team, for your lives and your examples... We have been very blessed and refreshed by you!

dying to myself...

2007-09-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

I have come to learn that I have high expectations of myself... and it upsets me when I am anything less than my own standard...I have to learn to keep my standards, and to balance it with trusting God...

I also come to learn that I am selfish, afraid of sufferings & difficulties, and have the tendency to want the easy way out...

Unless a kernel of wheat dies and falls to the ground, it will not bear much fruit... the Lord reminded me again... What He has given me is to make me a better person... it is not just for my pleasure or fun... but it is to make me a better testimony for Him...

perseverance is another recurring theme that God has reminded me again (and again)... it's never easy to stick in there when the tough gets going... but like what Ps Ben says, it's what you decided upon when the rubber meets the road... Help me to be persevering, loving and unconditional... I can only do it with Your Love, not mine..

I look forward to all the things that are to come in anticipation because You are my God and You are Jehovah Jireh!

Two are better than one..

2007-09-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

Been a while since a wrote.. been a lil' busy with JUMP, a lil' bit of work, and not denying, the person in my life...

JUMP conference & concert was a BLAST!

Thank God for ALL you guys in the committee and volunteers who worked so hard amidst the tight schedule and limitations, to pull it off so well. One thing about doing the work of God is teamwork, which I really enjoy.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

This is really true... in a team, we cover one another, we look out for one another and we check one another's blind spots... in a team, we bring out the best in one another, yet, the ugly side of us surfaces (within ourselves). As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another... this is again, so true. When I serve in a team, I learn things about myself... the inner thoughts, emotions that flare out which only God & I will know, are all valuable lessons I can learn... Without partners, one will always be swimming in his/her own thoughts and pool, and might not have new revelations or realisations about oneself... I guess we grow when we are in a community... thank God for building His Church based on communities... I also learnt that I am really a team-person. I really don't work well alone - I feel dry and unexcited... (blame it on my personality, hehe)... but that is how God made me, and I rejoice in that (personality).

Maybe that is why God sent me my partner... Referring to the verses above, again, I am learning so much about myself, discovering new things (monsters) within me... like he so aptly said, that in a relationship, we are challenged to live out the ways of the bible constantly... I used to think it is a chore being in a relationship, and that there is not much value-add, but it'll probably just be added stress and problems in life... but God knows better what is good for me... He knows that I will become a better person when I have a partner to work with. In addition, through some events, I realize that with a partner, it does help that I have someone to share my emotions and struggles with... Being single is really GREAT; being in a relationship is GREAT too - neither is better, being in God's plan in BEST. I thank God for Gerald who is a great man of God, and I am privileged to share my life with him...

P.S: Check out geraldaw.blogspot.com. Yup, he writes well... ;p

Another milestone in my life...

2007-07-19T18:08:00.001+08:00

*curtsies*

Thank you to all who have been so supportive and encouraging throughout my Masters' journey... I am so proud to say... I have GRADUATED!!! Yea, it is an achievement indeed, cos' like I said in the beginning: I am really not a studying-person.

Things have really changed in my life... in work, I am just SO blessed by God, that it is unbelievable... In the bible, Malachi 3:10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." - this verse I can totally identify with... Many times I ask the Lord what have I done to deserve all these blessings... and I always come to the same answer: that it is never (once) about what I have done or not done, but simply cos of His Grace; and these blessings He has given me, are to help to extend His Kingdom... so, what He gives me, is kinda like a forward thing, as in, His blessings are like tools for me to keep moving on and forward, and for me to use to bless and extend HIs Kingdom. That is how I see all the tangible blessings He has bestowed me - they are not so much rewards for my past achievements or what I have done (right), but more for the future...

Of course the other change is having Gerald in my life... Think being in a relationship is very much about acceptance and accomodation... It is about 2 people, having different upbringing, background, experiences, etc., trying to live as one (quote from Gerald)... and it sometimes feels kinda weird that I am not my own (if u know what I mean).. it's GREAT joy, but it's also not without challenges... Singlehood is GREAT - carefree and independent... For me, I felt that it is about learning to give up my personal rights to learn to love another as myself as Jesus commands us to do. In a relationship, this commandment acts out even more overtly, as he becomes like one of the closest person, and expectations are heightened and my personal rights flare out more obviously... But I must admit that knowing that God has brought both of us together, gives a lot of strength and courage to move on together... and it is wonderful when both of us worship the same God, and when we can serve together, support and encourage each other to walk close to God, as we walk closer to each other.

Nice photo ya? THE PERSON!!! (I think I look SO beautiful in this pic, haha!) Not the flowers.... Hehehe...

Well, that was a bunch of flowers he got delivered to my office one day when I was a little down... so, nice - emma, gerald and flowers. =)

Thanks for sharing my joys with me... I'll keep u posted again...

Thank God it's end of Thursday!!!

A Tribute to my friends, D & Dong

2007-06-25T01:20:00.000+08:00

She has been a wonderful friend for over 13 years... gosh, suddenly that number looks like a looooooong time. I thought only my parents talk about friends for over 10 years... now, I am in that league, haha!

She's always been there, cheering and supporting me over all these years. I remember once when I called her up to ask her out for coffee out of the blue and we went to some Big Apple cafe at Coronation Plaza.... We just sat there and chilled out and I said I just wanted to find someone whom I can be totally comfortable with, and no need to pretend or make small talk, or even explain why I did what I did, to have coffee with... (think that was a time of lamentation)

She is one friend who loves me more than I know, and from how she wants attention from me, how she is protective over me, asking me difficult questions at times.... I know I mean a lot to her....

Ok, if I don't mention about Dong, think she will surely call me to whine as well. This is a woman who is out of this world as well. She is hilarious, blur, "I" (she knows what that means), P, C (she says)... She's another 13-yr-old friend... We have had great times together as well.... It means a lot to me when I received a sms from her 2 weeks back, telling me how happy she was for me that I have found my love...

Thanks friends, you girls are special and precious to me and I really thank God and appreciate your unique friendships....

*hugz*

piano | Gerald | melted

2007-06-22T00:14:00.000+08:00

19th June 07 (Tue)

(WARNING: This content may cause a hair-raising experience, so read it at your own risk.)

Tonight was simply memorable... I have never been so touched (in my life) before... And if this surprises you, trust me - it totally bowled me over.

Gerald & I went to watch a jazz concert by Jeremy Montiero @ the Esplanade. After that, we decided to have dinner at Prego's - one of my favourite restaurants...

We sat down, ordered our food and chatted... then out of the blue, he said something about the piano in the middle of the restaurant, stood up and walked away.... I was quite puzzle and surprised... the next thing I knew, he opened up the grand piano and started playing on it....and man, I was totally shocked and my jaw dropped (literally). He played a love song and it was awesome... I can't even use words to describe how I felt; i could feel love from every note he played...

One of the servers came over and asked me what the occassion was, and the answer was simply, "there is no occassion". And even he said he played beautifully...

He finished the song (while I was totally dazed) and some patrons clapped... and he returned, shy. And all I could do was to stare at him, (jaw still dropped) and was still in the state of disbelief... it is so out of his (shy and reserved) character to do something so bold; even I won't have the guts to do it ok! And he simply said, "I played that for you..."

ok ok, now, close YOUR mouth now, my friends.... yes... that's the Gerald you guys never knew, and I am honored that he thinks the world of me.

That incident made me just revel in that and bask in his love for the next few days... So, like i said, this may be hair-raising for you... but for me, it meant SO much..... it's more than the song he played... it's really the love that spurred him to do something so outrageous...

God, thank You for sending Gerald into my life - everything happened in Your timing and only when You will for it to happen.

(Oh, I didn't mention about the 2nd bunch of flowers last week, and all the other amazing things he is and has done)

sharing of good news...

2007-06-10T20:43:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank God, my parents, my CG-mates, all my fans, oops, friends... Hahaha! Well, the Good News is that: Jesus Loves YOU and He is ALIVE!!!

The good news (note:small caps) is: emma is in LuRve... (*blush blush*) Don't know how else to put it except in the most direct way. Most of you would have heard about it.. and "thanks" for spreading it for us. If only you guys would spread the Good News as quickly, many other people will go to Heaven =). Thanks to all who rejoice with us and congratulate us (him).

The other good news of course, is ONE WEEK DOWN for school!!! I have only ONE more week to go!!! Thank You God for sustaining me till now... like Ps Jeff said, I thought I was crazy to even enroll for this Masters course, and I am his friend who thinks studying even for 3 minutes is torture. My middle Name is "PLAY" for your information. This final module is kinda bitter-sweet. On one hand, I am GRADUATING!! On the other hand, I am gonna miss my classmates and all the great and fun times we spend together, slogging complaining, and playing! SO here's a TOAST to MWM Class of 2006: You guys ROCK!!

Tomorrow is Monday... this week is church camp and I am gonna miss a big part of it cos of Module 5... SIGH... u can already feel the pain in me (that I can't be there for the whole camp)... told u my middle name is PLAY. So, for all you guys who are going for "Building a Prevailing Generation" Camp, watch out for the outpouring of the Holy Spirit in your lives! (Don't say I didn't warn u!)

Have loads of fun in Malacca!

Flowers & Module 5...

2007-06-05T08:53:00.000+08:00

Started Module 5 yesterday... It's wonderful to see my classmates again... ended the day with such a wonderful surprise... someone came to my school and brought with him a bunch of flowers... I was talking with my classmates while waiting for him... and when he came, he actually whipped out that bunch of flowers and gave it to me (in front of some of my classmates)... it was SO SWEET... he was a little embarrassed about it, I was a lil' shy (ok, be surprised.. I DO get shy).

For those of you who are shocked at this gesture, I am here to verify that Gerald is very very sweet, just that he doesn't show it to just anyone ;)

Will just share this lil' (more juicy) part with you guys... I'll save the rest for myself... (",)

Today is Day 2 of Module 5, got homework to hand in today already... 2 more weeks to go!

ASP (AsS Pain) KILLS...

2007-05-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

Advanced Study Project (ASP) - that's what it is.. but Grant, my witty classmate so aptly termed it "AsS Pain". Having to write this paper of 30 pages as part of my course in order to graduate is really a PAIN. It's really torturous to spend Saturdays in the school library trying to write and squeeze words out to fill the pages. Saturdays are sacred - you are supposed to relax, chill-out, bring nephews out, you know what I am talking about... but instead, here I am in the library, suffering... this is the view I see every Saturday from where I sit in the library:

Like I told my friend, this is a cross I have to carry... Oh God, give me the grace (and words) to complete it...

the drudgery of life...

2007-05-13T22:04:00.000+08:00

A wonderful brother gave me this CD today. It started with a song he blue-toothed to me, and then he passed me the CD. I listened to it today and the songs just seem to melt away all those drudgery, weariness, those edgy-ness, those dreadfulness... Man, the word is "therapeutic". Thank God for creating such beautiful music...

Tomorrow's another week... I am still not well, still stuck with the sickening flu and blocked nose... both my nephews are sick too; the small one was running a fever just now... poor baby, check him out with the fever-pad:

SO CUTE right??!! Now, that's something else that melts away the drudgery of my days...

Oh God, pls melt away the drudgery... only You can be my Ultimate source of Joy... fill me with You, Your Joy...

"and because He lives, I can face tomorrow.... because He lives, all fear is gone... because I know, I know, He holds the future... and life is worth the living, just because He lives...."

Shau En turns ONE today and Ecclesiastes...

2007-05-08T21:49:00.000+08:00

Today is my younger nephew's actual birthday, and he turns ONE today... we had a mini, simple, cosy family celebration after dinner at home just now.... will upload the pics when my sister downloads them...

Been feeling kinda pensive recently... can't really put a finger to the exact emotion. Perhaps it is a mix of anxiety cos' of ASP, cos' of the events, activities, responsibilites lined up till' like Sept... maybe it is the doldrums of work... maybe it is the angst that I want to spend much more time having fun and chilling out with friends,

(Chilling out with WAMers...)

(WAM retreat @ Kukup)

and enjoying life... Alas, the realities of life are real things that we have to grapple with...

And at times, I catch myself reminiscing those idlic Swiss-Lala-Land days... here's some for the reminiscence...

Mr Just-Cavalli-Toby & I:

Ms Vietnam-Ha & I:

Well, life is what you make out of it... when you are at it, get the most out of it and enjoy it through and through. Afterall, God wants us to enjoy what He has given us - friends, good food, fellowship, Him. But above all, fear Him and Love Him is the most important of it all....

"Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
Drink wine with a robust heart.
Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
Dress festively every morning.
Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one!
Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!
This is your last and only chance at it,
For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think
In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed."
(Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 9, verses 7-10)

The last and final word is this:
Fear God.
Do what he tells you.

I guess when we put things into perspective, life IS Great.

Cars Galore on May Day!

2007-05-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

Had a party at home yesterday to celebrate my nephew Shau En's birthday. And my uncle drove his latest toy to my place for us to ogle at - the FERRARI. Man, is it roaring! He took me on a spin around my place... it was exhilarating indeed!

My dad also got his new toy! It's really a Beauty...

Went to join my CG for dessert at night and we had a laughing good time, as usual! I really LOVE hanging out with them. With them, there is no need to impress, no need to upkeep any image. I can go and hang out with them in anyway, and the bond and love is there... now, that is definitely NOT shallow and I thank God for this Agape Love bound by Him.

Here's one for you WAMers, remember those unforgettable Malacca times...?

Well, today's a slow day... took leave to go to the hospital with Mum, and then there was some miscommunication... sigh, let's not talk about that... anyway, spent the day resting, and doing stuffs... but not what I was really supposed to do, like the dreaded ASP (advanced study project). The mention of those 3 letters makes me SO uneasy... it's synonymous to TORTURE. Tomorrow's Thursday, back to work... why must we work...????

Dreaded Saturday...

2007-04-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Taipei... It's about 12.39a now and I am rather anxious about tomorrow and my ASP and my lofty lose-weight plans.... GOSH, I committed to devote my Saturdays since I returned from Module 4 (Swiss module), to do my ASP, and I have been doing that for the past 2 Saturdays! But alas, not a word has been penned.... That fact just kills me man! And tomorrow, I have a lunch with a client, cos he is coming to Singapore, and then there is dad's birthday dinner, and it's 12:43am NOW!!! I don't think I have the energy to wake up bright and early and chirpily go to school to try to start on my ASP and then go for lunch.... ARGH, hate it when plans get distorted!

So, I shall sleep till I am supposed to wake up tomorrow. Don't care!

Here's one from Taipei, the Ice Monster at YongKang Street - it's THE BEST!

(Very cheekily mms to my boss cos we talked about how good it was. hehe)

Oh, and on the plane just now, I was watching this movie called "Because I said so" and it was gonna end, the most another 8min... and the stupid KrisWorld was shut down!!!!! How irritating can that be.... tsk tsk.... but I know Mandy Moore will choose Johnny's daddy... anyone who knows the ending, pls let me know... (",)

Saturday.... TSK! This is one unusual Saturday that I don't like...

Pre-Monday blues...

2007-04-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

It's hitting me again.... It's SUnday night and I am feeling the lead in my body to go to work tomorrow.... Oh Jesus, only You can give me peace, not the peace of the world, but Your peace. Be the God of Peace in my heart, and be the God of Joy, so that I can have Joy when I go to work tomorrow.

Nowadays, work is no longer LalaLand... once I hit the office, it's just bang-bang-bang, all the way till day-end... Well, I guess THAT'S life...

Dispel the dread in me when I wake up tomorrow, O God. Thank You!

I miss Lucerne.... Florence.... Cinque terre.... Zurich.....

Trivial...

2007-04-10T23:58:00.000+08:00

Saw this test on Fen's blog, so tried it out as a trivial... Hehe.

People Envy Your Confidence

You have the attitude and self esteem to take on anything. Failure is beyond not an option for you - it doesn't even cross your mind.
People envy your ability to take on any challenge ... and they're secretly afraid you think you're better than them. You don't. You're just sure of yourself.

What Do People Envy About You?

Don't envy me la... My confidence comes from God who made me who I am. I am not my own; I was bought with a price, and that is why I am so precious... that is where my security comes from.... Everything is this world can be transient and may pass away, but God is Constant, Solid like a Rock, and He will NEVER fail me.... Praise Him for that!

K, here's another Test:

Your Travel Personality Is: The Bonder

For you, travel is less about where you're going - but who you're going with.
It's no fun to experience an amazing city or a beautiful beach without your friends.
In fact, it doesn't really matter where you go... because you and your friends always figure out how to have fun!

What's Your Travel Personality?

So, who wants to go on the next holiday with me, may sign up when application opens soon. (Watch this space!) Haha.. Well, it's Tue.... I survived 2 days.... I miss the holidays.... feels weird to be back to Life and reality.... but well, Life goes on...

Our Bank Visits in Zurich

Thanks to all who missed me... (",)

Goodbye Italy...

2007-04-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

Our flight from Milan to Rome was delayed twice and finally cancelled...

This is The Vatican City, Italy:

This is The Mall, factory outlet where I burnt a big hole in my wallet:

This is Cinque Terre - no words can describe the beauty of this place:

I'm back home now... feelings are kinda mixed.... gotta get to bed soon, to beat the jetlag...

Home Sweet Home...

More photos from Switzerland

2007-03-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

DreamLand is ending....

2007-03-29T15:41:00.000+08:00

Lucerne, Switzerland

That was on Mount Pilatus that we went last Sunday - it was a GREAT time! It was cold up there, trust me, but vain me wanted to take photo in my nice blue top, so took the photo without my jacket and froze momentarily after the shot. Hehe! We did the snow-fights, slipped and fell on the snow works... but one of the most enjoyable part was the chilling-out-on-deck-chairs-freezing-our-butts-off activity (and of course, the Lucerne wine up there)

We just had a great time doing nothing, being silly, laughing at one another, and not even looking at the time - that was the best part. We enjoyed ourselves tremendously up on Mt Pilatus and we were all stoned at the end of the day.

Today is back in class AGAIN... it's torturous to be in class and not out playing.... We'd been hanging out at night, playing and having fun, cos there's absolutely NOTHING to do at night here in Lucerne, so all the crazy people hang out together and play games, talk crap, have fun.

Class ends tomorrow... can't wait! We're having a good closing dinner tomorrow night and then it's partying for the whole class again.... I will be off to Italy on Sat morning, and my computer won't be with me there, so, you'll hear from me again only when I get back to Singapore....

Till then, Ciao!

Day 3 of class in Lucerne, Switzerland

2007-03-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

Today is Day 3 of class in Lucerne, Switzerland. It snowed yesterday and today.. nice, but chilly.

I am actually in the midst of class now, but needed something to kill the Zzz monster attacking me big time. When I arrived in Zurich on 16 Mar 07, those 2 days were really nice, cos there was no pressure of school or anything... it was just lala Land for that 2 days...
Since we arrived in Lucerne, you cna suddenly feel the pressure cos school IS pressure. We were given individual assignment on Day 1 already - that didn't help in relieving the stress.
Think it's quite proven that I am most likely allergic to studying. Everytime I start my Modules, I fall sick, and it is no different this time in Module 4...
I would love to go around after class ends, to chill out, see things, etc...but unfortunately, assignments HAVE to be done and group work presentations have to be prepared... ARGH! We all really thought this Module was Lala Land, but alas, we were somewhat disappointed after all the assignments and groupwork news were told to us.
Went out last night, chilled out and just wanted to experience local life here, but today, we gotta stay in to cramp for my assignment and discuss group work... sigh... the things we do in Lucerne.... I really want to try to finish up my stuffs so I have my weekends free and I can play... THAT'S what we'rer supposed to do here in Switzerland!!

Anyway, enough of ranting... I will TRY to still enjoy... the snow really helped...

BBrrrr... winter in Taipei

2007-02-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

The weather has turned cold this week in Taiwan. And I am enjoying EVERY SINGLE minute of the coldness. Man, I just relish in walking outdoors. On Tue night, my colleague and I sat alfresco in a cafe, sipping hot tea - THAT was life. I went for cell group here in Taipei and a sister drove me back on her motor bike. It was exhilarating, especially when the temperature was 11deg C.

I am enjoying the weather here in Taipei SO MUCH!!!

Thank You, Lord, for creating seasons, and Thank You for allowing me to experience it.

You love me so much.

With love,
from Taipei

2007 Jan 7

2007-01-07T15:52:00.000+08:00

We are into 2007 already. I actually dread it... cos I can already see that this is gonna be a trying year - at least for the 1st half of it. I have 3 more modules to clear for my masters (Module 3 starting tomorrow... AAARRRGGGHHH!!!), I have my fair share of travelling in-between my modules (my target this year increased by 80%), and I have not been in the best of health (the flu virus always catches up on me, sigh)

Sounds kinda discouraging for a new year, ain't it? But I guess (and I am on the road believing and claiming it) this is probably gonna be a year of stretching, testing of perseverance and character and in my relationship and dependency on God. As He has already said since June 06, that my time of testing and stretching is here... and in my opinion, this season is still not over. And He promised that He will take me to a new level of relationship with Him. I can only cling onto His promises (Praise song during service today is ringing in my head now: All of God's promises won't let go of me). He has also spoken to me during the WAM retreat over New Yr's day, about being courageous to step out and face all the challenges that will come along my way. Afterall, the righteous live by faith and He is not pleased if we shrink back. He encouraged me to press on and persevere on.

I am looking forward to a good holiday (which i dunno when), maybe in Bali or Melbourne (to find Alice), when I can just really unwind and take my time to think thru things and the going-ons in my life... This is a moment of escapism... how nice...

One thing I really hope and pray I will do and stand firm in, is not to be distracted along the way in my race. I cannot really afford to be de-railed, so God, I really need Your help in helping me to focus on You and on the outcome of things, and not be distracted by short-term excitements (quote from Ps Ben Lee, Sun Svc sermon, 7 Jan 07)

Lord, help me to run this race with joy, with purpose and with influence. I know You made me great so I can be a great influence for You - that others may see You in my life. It is a very heavy burden and task, but I want to be what You want me to be - I am at Your service, to do what pleases You and to do what extends Your Kingdom. It is easier said than done, cos life is not easy; it is difficult (quote from Isaac, WAMmer)

To all out there who struggles to be strong and to be uplifted, take heart, cos He is our Uplifter! (I am encouraging myself too)

HappY New YeaR!

Unintentional-Sunburn-Saturday

2006-12-16T21:28:00.000+08:00

It all started as a lil' "expectation" from my colleague Daniel to go support them in the inter-department soccer tournament today. I kinda know this cos' I was supposed to go support them last year, but didn't. Anyway, due to the proximity of my house to the sports complex, I have little excuse not to drop by.
I scrambled out of bed at 9am, when I wanted to sleep in some more, cos I tuckd in at 245a last night (Reasons: Ramond my brother & Hitch the show). Anyway, went there and was supposed to drop by and go. By the time I realized the time, I would be late for my dermatologist appointment. I called them, they said they couldn't wait for me, cos their appointments were packed. Alas, I went back and decided to stay for the tournament. Anyway, the stay lasted about 4.5hrs in total! And Thank God they won the overall champion! My support was not in vain, haha!

The Champions

(Disclaimer: Emma is really bad at computer and stuffs. I have no idea why the photo cannot be rotated, ARGH!)

Anyway, when I came home, I felt uncomfortable and realized that I'd been sunburnt! Imagine the devastation!!! I hate to be sunburnt, and usually if I really do, I will be prepared for it. Today, no sunblock, no nothing, and the sunburn just crept up to me like a slithering snake! And the best part was, I was in the shade for the big part of the time, how unfair!
So, now I have red hair, and red arms, how's that for colour-matching????

Things had been pretty rough recently: The tiredness from all the traveling, continuous work and not much rest, plus those multiple persistent personal struggles. But most of all, the physical tiredness spills over to the rest of me. I long for a break - just ONE day of doing nothing and chilling out at the beach on my own, spending good time talking to God and clearing out my mind and all the clutter. Afterall, it IS the year-end and it IS time for reflection and preparing for the new year.

GOSH, I wish I could hibernate somewhere... I will be in Kunming with my whole family including the babies over Christmas, and I have a feeling I will be tired after that. Man, when can I REST??? Oh Lord, make time for me pls. I need the break, even if it is just for ONE day!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Bluetooth

2006-11-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

This is a brand new world of wireless stuff for me. Ok, I know I have been in the caves for a long time. The world is probably using purple or black tooth while I just discovered bluetooth. I just got my new mobile phone (at long last). And there's bluetooth, so I could send music, photos to and from my phone and my ibook. Man, such accessibility is marvelous!

This is a photo I took with my new phone of the 2 loves of my life:

Well, a lil' update of my life... Been down with another bout of cold AGAIN. Yea yea, tell me about it... I am like popping pills since quite some time back. And I think my health and immunity system is really not in its best shape, as when this flu bug hits me, my body literally shuts down and I am groggy and can't do anything... That's how bad it's been for the past 2 days. But God is good. I got totally well right before I went Beijing. Oh yea, Beijing is a nice place. Here're some pics:

Met one of my aunties in Beijing... Cool rite?

Other than Beijing, think my life has been in a lil' upheavel. Well, God spoke specifically to me on Sunday, so I guess it is foolishness if I ran away like Jonah. I don't wanna waste time staying in the belly of a fish just so that God can get through to me. I learnt that as I grew as a christian, and as I know more things about God, it gets more difficult to just leap out in faith like when I was a newbie in this faith. But it is very refreshing to be reminded of how Abraham obeyed God when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, his one and only beloved son. And David said in 2 Sam 24 that he will not sacrifice to God that which cost him nothing. Joshua challenged his people to throw away the gods that their forefathers worshipped, and to choose for themselves who they want to worship. Well, testings and temptations are but common to men, but when u are in the midst of it, things ain't as simple as they seem. I was reminded of the times when I took out the moral courage to stand for my God in the midst of persecution, to go for water baptism, etc. Those were memorable days of victory,.

Oh God, it is only by Your Grace that I can stand before You. Let me be victorious once again! You are Jehovah Nissi - my Banner! Fly High in my life O Lord!

Rain...

2006-10-29T21:20:00.000+08:00

Rain... the Madonna song rang in my head... ok, now, it's a retro song...

It seldom rain when I am at home, so whenever it does, it is very heartwarming and refreshing. Today especially I guess... I felt God was trying to tell me that He knows how I feel, so He sent rain... that was really sweet... I am in one of those melancholic moods... "Life is tough", my shepherd and I were affirming it this afternoon...

(I appreciate her a great deal. Our friendship has come a long way and it feels like it will go on forever... Thanks, Vivian!)

I've been thinking about a lot of things recently... oh, and it doesn't help that I am STILL sick. It started at the tail-end of Module 2 [HOORAY! I survived it!!!! it was tough-going man, but the comradeship was exhilarating] I'd been sick for more than a week and my body still feels weak... Gosh, I wonder why this time is so long...

Oh, i was talking about the lots-of-things-recently stuff... well, I feel that it's one of those periods of time when I go through thoughts that I have not had for a long time, and well, things can get quite disappointing in life at times... I am not sure how I am really feeling... is it the sickness and virus still in me that makes me tired, weak and vulnerable...? or is it a valid disappointment that I have to work through...

Lord, only You know and only You can bring about rain that brings comfort to my soul...

Year-end is here... it's always a very special time of the year... Enjoy every minute of it. 2007 will come in a twinkle of an eye...

Under-estimation

2006-10-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

Man, I under-estimated this module again... and you know what I heard? Module 2 is still not the most "siong" one. Module 3 will be the worst... Somebody kill me!!!!!

In Fixed Income class today, I really asked myself why in the world did I sign up for this course...???? I am SO not cut-out for these studying stuff man.... It's sooooo chim... Today is Friday - we have ONE more week to go, and I am already feeling saturated, stressed-out and most of all, stupid. You can't believe all the stuff that goes on in class... The lecturers are SO good, they think we're 1/100 of them, but some of us, like myself, are not even there, so that's where the problem is... The disparity is just too great...

I think I do get such syndrome when I study, or even when I am in the midst of major projects or a major hurdle to cross (eg., sales targets, life challenges, etc). I get so stressed up in the midst of stuffs - they can overwhlem me at times... like now...
Gosh, I dunno how I am going to absorb everything, sit for quizzes, exams, and learn the whole picture (like I did on hindsight for the last Module - that is my comfort and encouragement to press on).

Every morning I wake up and ask God to help me to get through the day cos it is just so intensive. Well, I guess one of the main result will be character-building. Oh Lord, help me and build my character.

My classmates are great! here's a picture we took after our group project with some others still in the seminar room:

Till I have the sanity to write again....

Module-2 Torture starts tomorrow!!!

2006-10-08T21:07:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow marks yet another 2 weeks of torture. Module 2 of my Masters starts tomorrow. So, for the next 2 weeks, my world will stop spinning, and all I know and see, are my classmates, and... my classmates.
I had been really stressed about going back for Module 2, because I think out of the 5 modules, this module is the worst - most "siong" one. Just 3 subjects, but they are like the heaviest...

Presenting...

HeavyWeight No. 1, weighing 1 credit, 30 hrs, here... is.... EQUITIES!!! *cheers, whistles and claps*

next, we have... weighing ALSO 1 credit, ALSO 30 hrs, here comes...... FIXED INCOME!!!!! *whistles, cheers, claps*

And last... but not least..... HeavyWeight No. 3. Weighing ALSO 1 credit..... AND ALSO.... 30 hrs..... let's put our hands together and welcome...... CORPORATE FINANCE!!!!! *crowd goes wild*

Yup, these are gonna be my source of torture for the next 2 weeks... I can't remember how Module 1 tasted already... though, I know it was TOUGH... oh Lord, be with me...

As I was dreading today to be over, (cos tomorrow comes after today), I was showered with a lot of Love.. I was blessed with PRESENTS! I mean, it's not the presents that make me feel loved, but the reasons why I was given these presents... I was soooooo touched, cos people remember and care for me...

Presenting... present No. 1, with Love from Pei Key:

And guess what's inside....?

And here comes Present No. 2, with Love from WeiZhu & Joseph A - 2 wonderful brothers from my previous CG... (Some of these people sometimes see something, and they buy me, cos they think of me... how sweet is that....?) Thanks, NG1A3!

Oh, since I haven't wrote for a long time, just something from yesterday... yesterday was quite a babies' day. I went to see my god-daughter, Claire:

And then had a 'family gathering" with Alice, Ramond, Eugene, Ah Seng. Before going off for our gathering, we went to Alice's place to see Charlize, Alice's daughter:

Last but not least, to end off my Saturday, I have my 2 cutest nephews, Shau En (Shaun):

And Shau Jet:

So, that's about it for now, folks... if I still can breathe over the next 2 weeks, I might drop a line or two... Well, don't miss me too much...cos' you won't be seeing me much... O God, Help me!

15th Anniversary Celebration!

2006-09-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

It is such a privilege and honour to serve in this Family of God, with people sold out for His Cause, and sacrificial ones who just want to give their best. Thus are those I serve with in Hoep Church Singapore. Yesterday was our BIG 15th Anniversary Celebration. To us, it was BIG... It was at Expo, where all 3000 came together to worship and celebrate the goodness of God in our church.
Serving as the stage manager, it was stressful since Friday night when we had our rehearsals. As of Friday night, most things did not happen as planned. Everything was late; the sound was horrendous, lights were not even designed. I had no idea how the whole thing will turn out on Sat...
When Sat came, we were still running through transitions, and etc...
3pm, Sat, 16 Sep 06, was one of the most tensed moment in my life... It was the time when everyone in the production was waiting for my cue to roll the show... Finally, it rolled... and it rolled smoothly! Man, seeing the whole programme enravel before me was like opening a present slowly to find each wrapper seamless... Ok, except the wrong cue we gave to the stage ministers during Ps Ben's sermon.. I was utterly embarrased tho' I wasn't on stage.
I kept asking myself during the show: What am I, for God to use me in such ways...? Would I exchange this privilege to serve in His ministry for anything else...? Well, for that question, I didn't answer immediately cos' I didn't want to be frivilous and emotional about such answers... that will be another episode..
But it was a memorable event indeed. For all the events I have done, all the services, parties, etc etc, yesterday was one that was the biggest scale - 3000 people, Singapore Expo, 100-people choir, full band plus strings, dancers, multimedia, the whole works man..

Thank you all, who were involved in our celebration! It is wonderful to serve with you guys!

Oh Lord, I can't tell you enough, how grateful I am that You allowed me this honour to serve You and Your church. All glory goes to You, for it is You who created me...
Today's Sunday... feels weirdly nice to be home, sleeping till' 1030am... Tomorrow starts another week. Will be off to Taipei on Tue... Man, the thought of next 2 weeks tires me... Only You can sustain me and give me strength to carry on...
Draw me even closer to You, as I get even busier and more tired...

.......

2006-09-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

I can't think of a title for this entry... It probably reflects my thoughts... They're just .......

Been having mood fluctuations lately... That's trying in itself.

Work isn't helping. I feel rather "bashed up" by clients and their issues, after taking over this portfolio for about 4 months... O Lord, only You can sustain me.

Anniversary is next week, I am SO excited! It's gonna be a "hair-raising" event, especially with all the walking-down-memory-lane stuffs. It's my privilege to be involved.

Then, there're things I hope to have, yet I know I shouldn't, I can't, and paradoxically, I don't hope to have... Read in one part of a book called "Drawing Near" by John Bevere - God may actually grant me my heart's desire if I want it SO badly, even if it's gonna hurt me. When I covet something so badly in my heart, and pray for it, God MAY give it to me... Now, THAT was quite a revelation, cos' I wouldn't want God to allow me to have the thing I so covet for in my heart, which I know is not good for me...
Ok, it seems like I am going round and round... I just need to rattle on... bear with me...

Anyway, I prayed that God will NOT give me what I want which is not good for me (and I know it very well). Sigh, life is an irony...

Well, I've been in and out of these thoughts - they tire me too...

Another week is over (",)

2006-09-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

(",) HanLong taught me this smiley (Not sure how many knows this, or can figure it out: it's a face, with both eyes looking left, with a lil' smile). Ok, cheap thrill... Well, it's Friday-night entertainment... Hahaha.

The week's over before we know it... I pondered about how, in spite of all the grumblings of how tough times last seem to last forever, etc, time doesn't wait, and passes real quickly. Just think about it with me.. It's September already... Gosh, it seemed like only yesterday when it was February... Anyway, I guess time will only go faster, not slower... It's weird huh? I guess this perspective changes as we age...

My week has been quite good, I would say. I had a good time with God on Wed, conversing with Him on a very casual note. That time of communing was so natural and easy... Well, He IS a relational God afterall. I learnt that:
1) Tough times on earth are temporal. God and His Ways are eternal, so always keep ourselves in perspectives especially when our heads are below water.
2) As far as the east is to the west, He has thrown my sins into the sea and has separated me from the entanglement of past sins.
3) He values me SO much. I asked Him why. He simply said, cos' there is value in me. He sees a lot of value in me. If others think I am good/great, He thinks I am even better/greater, simply cos He made me and I am His child. Every parent thinks the world of their kids. (My closest experience is being aunt to my nephews - I think the world of them).
4) When I go through tough and challenging times, I AM able to bear them, simply cos He said I can. Not cos I can on my own abilities, but simply cos His Word says He will not let me be tempted beyond what I can bear. So surely, I AM able to bear them. I just sometimes need to grit my teeth and walk through it. Like I always sprout: People will only grow when they go through hard times (sounds better in Chinese).
5) He said He values me, He wants to use me to be an impact in the world (work) and in church, and that His plans are to prosper me, not to harm me (I just gotta Trust Him).

Then I was whining to God and saying, "But work is so hard sometimes...". And He said, "Just do your best on your part, and leave the rest to me." In sales, you learn what is walking by faith.

Thank you, Lord for all that I had been struggling with... At least You show interest in my character (still). Thank You for always making clear things to me - it means a lot to me. Like my shepherd said, it's important to always make sense of what you are going through...

Tomorrow's Sat... I gotta savour every moment of it... so, enjoy yours too! (",)

Fire-fighting week (wats new?)

2006-08-26T00:05:00.001+08:00

This week has been a fire-fighting week. At work, phone-calls, clients' enquiries, servicing matters, etc etc, were crazy. And DON'T remind of THAT particular client who gets on my nerves by haggling for better rates. Is Private banking and Wet market synonymous....???? That irks me a greeat deal... Well, that's part and parcel of the servicing line, isn't it? *shakes head*

I'd been very tired - mentally, emotionally, physically. Thank God my spiritual state still ticks more or less... Thank You God. I'd been thinking of sooooo many things - that tires me out mentally. But I know all these thinking and pondering, struggling, tussling, haggling are necessary... Testing kinda looks like that I guess. If I don't go through this thinking, reasoning, tussling exercise, I don't think I will learn anything out of it... Lots of things that happen cause me to look at the world and ponder... I thank God I belong to His World... but of course, THAT in itself creates a tussle as well... This world is messy... Human hearts are messier...

Well, I don't really see when all these tussles in me are gonna end/slow down... but I know a couple of things: 1) I will not be tested/tempted beyond what i can bear... God knows better than me. 2) Faith is seeing the unknown. 3) He is in-charge of this testing-episode, I just gotta go through it trusting Him... Again, He knows better than me. 4) The mind is a powerful tool. i guess in many things, we gotta make the decisions in our hearts and minds. That's where change (for the better/according to His way) will really take place.

Life is really not easy nowadays... And don't ask me when I am off to Taiwan again... Not that I do not like the place (I am beginning to), but I really need a break from the travelling... Another day comes yet another day of challenges and fire-fighting in every sense - work, my heart, my mind, etc... Oh, that the Rain of the Lord will come and douse these fires when they have done their work of refinement (of my character and inner man)..

Have a Great weekend; Mine's quite short... But I still thank God for it!

Back from Battle-field

2006-08-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

Thank God for His Provision all the time. He ALWAYS delivers me... tested and proven... but I still go through those bouts of stress prior to His Deliverance... I'm back from Taiwan. Thank God for that deal I closed on Thursday that bought my ticket home. It has been an interesting trip cos' I was there with a colleague, and he's quite interesting... well, any company is good for business trips I guess... It can get really lonely out there...

Through this trip, I felt that I was revisiting a lot of my basic values and principles that I hold oh-so dearly to all these years. I felt like going through New Believers 101. But it has been a wonderful revisitation... I guess we all must always go back to basics.. God, forgive me for being so forgetful. Thank You for being SO gracious, patient and loving to me...

Tomorrow starts a new week - I have mixed feelings. Perhaps it's the tiredness from all the travelling, perhaps it's from the upcoming travelling, studying, and the many big and exciting church events and things I have to do... Man, just listing them down tires me. Though I don't foresee any chance for luxurious rest, I really hope to have some time off to just realign..

Julian and Serene are back from Peru. They are very very dear friends of mine from a long time ago... I appreciate them and their work for the Lord in Lima, Peru. Will be doing some catching up with some other friends... Man, even that sounds tiring... Hahaha.

Our church's 15th Anniversary is one month away, and I am so excited about it, cos this is gonna be a BIG celebration. It's gonna be a HUGE Family party, and I am honoured to be on duty as stage manager with Cara.

Have a GREAT week ahead.. I'll keep you posted about mine. Glad to be home...

Stressssss.....!!!!

2006-08-10T22:36:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather stressful time... Back from Taiwan last Sun, and I am off again this coming Monday, and the pressure for this coming trip is greater. My boss has explicitly expressed that I should come back with some sales... So, if u dun see me around in Singapore for about 3 months, I am probably in exile in Taiwan cos we can stay there for max 3 months without a visa. Hahaha! Like I told my fellow colleague who's gong with me: this trip is a test of how strong our necks are, cos if we don't come back with any sales, our heads will probably roll... Don't be mistaken... I am saying all these lightheartedly.. So, you can chuckle... Hehehe...

I guess I have quite a lot of expectations on myself... That's a tendency... I never really considered myself a perfectionist... but I guess there's some traits of that looming around, about myself. I tend to expect a lot of myself, and sometimes that creates unnecessary burden. I thank God during this stressful time that I have Him to fall back on, always. Man, it is so comforting to know that when I look at Him, everything else pales in conparison... even stress. Like the song goes, "When all things that surround become shadows in the light of You."

I have been blessed with encouragers and cheerleaders along this way, and I am thankful for every single one of you (that includes those who dropped lines of encouragement in this blog). I guess God loves me too much to leave me alone...

I am a blessed child... He thinks the world of me... I guess that is so sufficient... His Grace is sufficient for me...

Easier said than done

2006-08-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

Testings... Trials... words we always use and talk about... Again, I am going through one of these words... It's a dilemma... On one hand, testings make a person stronger. Hahaha, like my Econs lecturer said, "What can't kill you will only make you stronger." He was referring to our Econs exam of course. Well, when testings come in your face, many things are thrown in the forefront to be challenged and tested. Things you proclaim, values and principles that you hold on to all the while suddenly become mroe than just words. They become things you have to consciously and purposely live out and adhere to. It is so much easier to talk about values, principles when one is not tested, but when Testing comes in my face, I get startled and much of my foundation get shaken.
It's a matter of choice, many say. It's not about how I feel, but what God wants for me. All these are easy to say when others go through testing and you stand on the sideline cheering... but as the runner, it's a conscientious choice and doing that I have to go through... I want to be a winner. I want to finish the race. But I know that along the way, many things WILL distract me, taunt me, tempt me, test me... Oh Lord, You said it is not by my might nor power, but by Your Spirit. You said, not my will, but Yours be done. You said, You will sustain me and strengthen my feeble arms. Your servant, King David said, "My heart and my strength, many times they fail, but there is one truth that will always prevail. You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever." You Promised Your Holy Spirit to intercede for me and to help me through...
Oh Lord, help me to be an overcomer cos' it is easier said than done... By Your Spirit, I will overcome. You said You are going to chart a new chapter of my life in You. You are going to unfold the gerater plans You have for me, to take me to new heights and higher grounds, and that I will be tested. Thank You for reminding me that You have chosen me. I give You thanks in advance for going through testings to see Your Greater Glory unveiled through my life.

AMEN.

Drained...

2006-07-27T21:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a rather tough week for me... Somehow feels like all energy has been drained outta my body, sapped away... Many people ask me the same question, "Are you alright? Is anything troubling you? Are you stressed? Are you sad? Tell me your problems... etc etc". I guess I have a face that tells it all... I am not troubled by anything in particular. I am just extremely tired... Probably used up too much of my brain cells and my body ain't used to it. Hahaha!
Perhaps one of the stress points is my business trip next week... One full week in Taiwan, plus my bosses going with me, and I am still not very familiar with the place, and language-wise, I have lots to learn... Business trips are always stressful... Thank God He is always encoouraging me to press on.
It is never easy to persevere in something (especially when it is God's will). It is always difficult to do things that I can't but God says I can. Well, if He says I can and He has opened all the doors needed for me to "can", then I have to press on till I see the fruits of my labour. I am results-oriented, so when I don't see immediate results/outcome but have to plough and sow and grow in the (long) meantime, it can get very challenging for me. Lord, thank You for always reminding me of all the things You have done to place me where I am today... That very fact keeps me going.
On Tue, I met up with Coconut, my secondary school friend. We had a GREAT time grousing, moaning, complaining, encouraging, supporting each other... It's such a wonderful fact that we are not just great long-time friends, but we are sisters-in-Christ as well... Here's one for you my dear friend! And thanks for being there!
Well, that's about it for now... You've always been a great audience!

I surVived!!!!

2006-07-23T22:55:00.000+08:00

Phew, it's over! At least for the 1st Module... and I survived... It feels unreal, cos' I never thought this day could come... I am not a very academic person, not the most intellectual sort... So, for me to be doing my Masters with such intensity sounded unthinkable... But by His Grace, I have come thus far...
I must say that for the past 2 weeks, He has been with me, sustaining me, keeping my eyes from closing during class, encouraging and cheering me on everyday. Thank You Abba Father. And every day that I go for class, I relish in the fact that He placed me there... He has a great plan for me, and I am humbled by that fact. Exams was on Thur, Fri and Sat. Even after just the 1st paper - Capital markets, I felt a great sense of relief. FSA (Financial Statement Analysis) was a killer as expected, and the scene in the classroom was tickling... Everyone was buried under a huge load of papers and frantically flipping pages and notes to find some clues to the answers (all our exams were open-book). On Sat, we had a celebration after our Quantitative paper at the Graduates Lounge with wine and Relief as the Guest of Honour. After that, our group - A+ Limited and some other classmates went for dinner at Jumbo at Clarke Quay.

My classmates are fun, especially the one who asks the funniest questions and crack the whole class up with them. Yup, to the "earth- preciation" guy, here's One for you!

And the other 2 who always mispronounce my lovely name, and using the excuse of "closeness" to get away with it. here's One for you too!

The 2 weeks were super intensive and we were all shocked by it, but I must say that the camaradarie was enjoyable. Like I was telling them, for the past 2 weeks, no one else, other than one another, can truly understand what we went through, so I guess that makes it a shared experience, and shared experiences make friends. So my friends, we have 5 more modules (including Switzerland) to go, so let's be best of friends man!

It is my privilege to be in a class of really credible and smart people. More so, I enjoy the diversity of nationalities and cultures in the class, not mentioning the variety of professional backgrounds and experiences. So, despite the torture of intensive studying, I enjoyed the people most.

It's back to work tomorrow. What a chore... but I look forward to Friday when we meet again... without the books and exams! HOORAY!!!

A breather...

2006-07-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

Man, it has been one of the most trying and challenging weeks of my life. Even during my school years for about 20 years of my life, nothing compares to these 2 weeks. My course is SO intensive, no one (except) my classmates can believe or imagine. Gosh, the concentration is so needed at every moment of the lectures because the moment you miss out something, it is quite hard to catch up. My classes are daily from 830a - 7p, 3 blocks of 3 hrs. And Econs is my killer.
Every single day I wake up, asking God to sustain me and give me wisdom and knowledge for the day. Every single night, my heart wells up with thanksgiving to Him for bringing me through the day. On one hand, the intensity of the course is really dreadful. (Like one of my classmates said, he asks himself "Why?" - as in why did he apply for this course, every morning.) On the other hand, I am so charged up by the mere sense of passing each challenging day. Every day I tell myself that before I know it, next weekend will come and I would have cleared Module 1. But of course, when I do not understand my Econs lecture and the IS-LM (worse still, the AS-AD) curves, and struggle during certain parts of Quantative (aka Statistics), my heart grouses and is discouraged. And for the records, I come home every night, and try my best to do some reading, just to catch up on that day's lectures/study for my pop quizzes.
It didn't help that my body crashed on the 2nd day - had a bad bout of cold and flu: stuffed nose AND runny at the same time, bad throat, headache. Gosh, in that condition, trying to grasp the IS-LM curves were like understanding Marsians. I even asked the Holy Spirit to "cover me" during my bouts of losing my brain in the thick of the lectures. Thank You Holy Spirit.
The good thing about my course is the classmates. With people from mostly Asia, diversity is quite evident. And thank God for my group - A+ Limited, who stayed late on Fri crunching the ratios and numbers for our FSA (Financial Statement Analysis) group assignment. It was a fun time!
Well, all in all, I have my fair share of grousing and complaints about this week, mainly cos I have never studied SO hard and SO intensively in my life, and intellectually and mentally, it's extremely challenging. But on the whole, I thank God that I am even doing this - that He made a way for me to get into this course, and that I survived the 1st week, i.e, half of Module 1. Oh, and of course, the not-too-bad pop quizzes for Cap Markets (esp the 2nd one, which I miraculously calcultaed the correct figures, Praise the Lord!). You rock, God!
Ok, now it's time to hit the books again... IS-LM, here I come!!!

School's REALLY starting tomorrow...

2006-07-09T20:08:00.000+08:00

Last week was only half a week of Prep course (Intro to Stats, Accounting, Portfolio Management, etc). And it was only a prelude to what is to come... I saw this week's schedule; i choked and had phobia already... It's full days, from 830am till 7pm. GOSH, I left school for 7 years already! Have mercy on me....

I am really challenged to do my best... Well, today Ps Jeff shared what it means by grieving the Holy Spirit. It is hearing the Holy Spirit and not obeying His Voice... Sigh, now, that challenged me even more... I felt God tell me in the midst of my class last week that I should really put in A LOT of effort in my studies, and to be the best that i can be - ALL for His Glory. That sounds like a really good proposition when I first heard it, but it immediately struck that MY part of the good proposition is that I got to really study HARD. See, I am a lazy person; I LURVE to play. Studying is really not my forte. But I know that being the head, not the tail, being the BEST in studies, at work, is glorifying Him. So, I still struggle, cos I am always afraid of committing, saying Yes, and not being able to fulfill it. I hate to be a loser. But I guess when I put in all my best efforts and the results do not turn out the way I expect it to be, it is still glorifying Him. Glorifying Him, I guess, is not just scoring and being 1st, but it's the process of excellence.

A lot of self-control has to come into play in all these things. Self-control is playing less, and studying more. Man, I feel that the theme for the rest-of-the-year is Put in Effort, Give your best - Glory to Him. Simple, yet so difficult to do, cos it's me.

I love Hope Church Singapore. It's my Family. And I do miss Ps Ben who's away ministering in our US churches. I guess that's one of the tell-tale signs that this church is my Family.

God be with me in these 2 weeks...

School: a once-upon-a-time revived

2006-07-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

man, feels kinda weird that I am going to school tomorrow.... all over again...
I am preparing my pencil-case with my coloured pens, getting all my original certificates, my transcripts, etc. So funny... it's really like going back to school.... all the registration and administrative stuffs i have to do tomorrow... Interesting...

in the meantime, I just did something I have never done before... those techie stuff that I am not good at. I downloaded some stuffs so I can chat with HanLong and actually SEE him on webcam! Man, it was surreal... technology is amazing!! really closes up the distance...

Back to school-tomorrow... don't really know what to expect... so will just go with the flow and enjoy being a student again.

I am hungry... and I am having a GREAT time chatting and watching HanLong! thank God for technology.

Lull period

2006-06-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

Today is a lazy Monday. Sometimes I wonder where I am in my career. At this point of time, things look as if they are locked - neither here nor there. In times like this when I cannot see how I can move on in my career, I can only cling on to the Promises of God and His vision for me... It can be somewhat depressing not knowing how my career is gonna carry on from here. But I believe that ALL things work for the good of those who love Him and are faithful to His calling.
Feels like this is a lull period, cos can't do much at work now, cos i am starting school next week. Maybe that is another cause of stress and uncertainty. I am really not a very academic person... and I heard it's gonna be intense. O Lord, pls help me through it since You put me into this course. It is like a dream come true. I look forward to finishing this course and to improve myself. At least I can speak more intelligently after that.
O Lord, lift up my spirit... Only You are my true source of Joy and Strength and the Reason for all I do.

Inner Circle

2006-06-21T23:58:00.000+08:00

Today's CG was a GREAT time of worship and prayer and dwelling in His Presence... In Him, eveything else pales in comparison. I am always brought back to my days in Uni when things were much simpler, and I could just leap off the mountain for Him in abandonment. Today, life is more complicated - work, the world, cares of life.. But I thank God He has sustained me, to keep my love for Him.. As He said in isaiah, He will sustain me till my old age.
I thank God for the "inner circle" - my CG. To share what God spoke to me about, which was something very personal and somethng humbling... I hesitated a little while, but Inhibitions and Emma are not synonymous most of the time. I felt really quite vulnerable sharing what God spoke to me about.. It felt that my inadequacies and my lack were being displayed out... For a choleric to openly share her weaknesses or anything lesser than the best and the formidable is quite intimidating... But as His Word says, In humility, consider others better than myself... So, exposing my weaknesses, in front of the "inner circle" is not as threatening I guess.. Afterall, this is a bunch of people whom I know, will still love me despite my imperfections... Thanks, guys. It was a GREAT time of just being with The Maker, my Lord. I look forward to going Home...

Crash!

2006-06-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

Yup, think my body crashed... Think it couldn't withstand the energy that i have within me. Gosh, for a person who doesn't like to sleep and think sleeping is a waste of time, I think I must be REALLY tired to sleep and sleep and still feel tired. Plus the aches of course... Well, guess I haven't really rested properly since before camp, that's why.

I thank God that the WAMers have grown closer... it's really heart-warming to see God's people loving one another and serving together... i can spend eternity with them man...

I think perhaps I am thinking too much. I have so much in me I wanna do, but feel so limited to do it. And it doesn't help that class is starting in 2 weeks' time. The thought of it stresses me up already... God, help me to manage the stress in my life, in everything. Gosh, I feel that I am being (and gonna continue to be) stretched. Feels like God wants to strecth me to do more, do bigger, do better. It's challenging man... but I believe He will expand my territory for me to do more. Thank You for seeing me worthy. I desire to expend my every ounce of energy glorifying You. But Lord, remind me always, to keep in step with Your Spirit, and not run ahead. Anoint me, Expand me, stretch me, and contain me, that I may not crack.

I am excited (though fearful) of the things ahead of me. I want to know You even more, even deeper. Show me Your Glory, and Your Grace!

Chanced upon a blog which pointed me to this interesting personality test. I am like King David! Wow, what an honour!

Glimpse of Heaven...

2006-06-13T21:33:00.000+08:00

Past 6 days were like Heaven.. not that I know what is it really like up there but past few days in camp was unforgettable. Thank You for a great camp. And thanks to you all for your affirmations; i hope it was unforgettable for you too.

And peiKs, thanks for being such a perfect Duo. Here's one for you:

Time spent together with my spiritual family was surreal. We served hard and played real hard as well. All the jokes were memorable... all the kawans were fun too. And for the record, WAMers ain't just talented in music, they can act too. I got to know some kawan better, eg., Ah Chek (Isaac), HowJoo, Ron, Ange. And JX, that prayer you said during the CG prayer time, made me and Ange tear. You good man!

Not forgetting the extended day in Malacca... and the Jonker Street performances. We totally lost it there man...

And of course... the Coffee Club (we won't mention the day and time here)... Think Fen's blog will have a pic for this, so check out her blog.

On the whole, I was in LaLa Land for the past 6 days. And in conclusion, I met great kawans, and of course, the Kawan of All - GOD. Thanks for Everything!

Tomorrow is like a Wedding Day

2006-06-06T22:45:00.000+08:00

Had to sneak a blog post in, cos tomorrow is The BIG Day... I was talking to Pei Key and we were saying it feels like our wedding day tomorrow... We're filled with so much excitement, yet so much apprehensions and so many details we are afraid to overlook. So Pei Key, here's a HUGE *PAT* for you. You did a GREAT job! Aiyah, the most your rewards in heaven a bit more than mine lor... ;)
Tomorrow is camp. Ok, pre-camp. The comm and a whole jing-gang is going for the advance party tomorrow. Lest you think we're gonna enjoy myself, we're going in for the set-up. Lots of work goes before camp actually starts.
Man, I dread for it to be over... Lord, pls extend the unforgettable time we're gonna have there. It's YOUR Show!

For more details and stories, visit after the camp...

Kawan Go Malaka!

while I wait for my nails to dry...

2006-06-02T02:24:00.000+08:00

It's kinda late now, and I am still up. Since I just repainted my nails and I gotta let them dry before going to bed (lest I destroy my artwork), I thought I should just write my blog. Painting my nails is a stress-buster, but this round of painting before coming to write my blog was more of a necessity than an enjoyment this time... oh, don't think you'd understand this part... it's an Art.
Wow, it's quite good rattling on about something I enjoy even if you, my reader, do not understand. Hahaha!
I'm tired... feels like I'd trekked over mountains and came down the valleys a couple of times over... ok, I am exaggerating, but I am tired... much has been happening over the past couple of weeks, and the most interesting thing is that all the things happened in my head, heart and soul. It has been a good time tarrying with God and coming through to see many things from His point of view and coming to know who I am, and Who He is, and how He is always so in control even when I am fumbling. Thank You for always having the BIG picture in Your fathomless Mind.

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!! I SPOILED ON MY MY NAIL POLISH!!!!!! Gosh, again, you won't understand the frustration that comes when your nail polish is less than perfect. GGGRRRRRrr... think the top coat will work.

Sorry, back... composed myself, cos I have an audience here...

Tomorrow's Friday... 2June Friday doesn't feel as great as the other Fridays, I don't know why, but I will still savour it, cos I love Friday... maybe I should find a husband called "Friday". hahahahaha!

K, enough rattling... I am gonna take the leap and go sleep without my nail polish completely dry (that'll take a full 2hrs before it is TOTALLY dry, the manicurists tell me). *yawn* it's getting too late... I can't afford to sleep so little everyday...

Nitey ;)

Accountability & Hip Hip Hoorays!

2006-05-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

Had been going through yet-another cycle of thought, this time a new wave... man, it's tiring always to go through thinking processes about the things I do, think and say. I guess that's why they call our walk with God a journey; our end is when we meet Him.
I thank God He has taught and instilled in me the concept of accountability. In all things, it is important and crucial that we be accountable to our shepherds, our leaders.. Godly counsel, the bible said, is beneficial to us, and it is true indeed... just like when I spoke to an "angel" who dispenses godly counsel. (You go, angel!)
And recently I learnt quite a lot of new things, about myself, about life, about my expectations, my weaknesses, my blind spots. Again, thank God for shepherds who are always there to cover my blind spots. So, to my shepherds (in all forms), here's one CHEER for you!
And for the mentor, Chris, who always helps me to focus in my work, who keeps me in perspective about things, who always has coffee with me at the most appropriate times, and who never fails to pat me on my back and encourage me when I am down, here's one CHEER for you too, bro!
Had lunch with Gabriel, a brother from our cg... Good bro.. He's a bit like Mini-Me... similar temperaments, in similar field of work/study, very blessed by God... So brother, here's one CHEER to you to keep on focussing on He who Provides. God is SO important...
And one more CHEER for the camp comm who made the camp happen. I know it's gonna be Fabulous!!

Tomorrow's Wed... so to the GREAT Family in Worship Unit, here's one CHEER!

K, enough of cheering and Hip Hip Hoorays... I feel I am eccentric at times... It's 30 May 06... half the year is gone... doesn't time zoom...???

p.S: I'm gonna be a godma to Claire, Sandra's baby girl... Hahahahhaa!!!

Sunday-night thoughts...

2006-05-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Apart from the feeling that it's Monday - The work day tomorrow, I have lots of mashed-up emotions within me... been thinking a lot over the past week... And thinking a lot is tiring... One consolation is that there is "Initlal D" on cable now - Jay Chou is so cool... (Man, I can see the make-up on his face in the show... that's quite yikes)...Then again, that's just unserious admiration... But I guess he looks cool because he is seemingly so secured and confident... Now those're 2 attractive qualities... (ok, tt's blabbering)
Maybe it's waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, plus the lateness... and a chain of happenings in service today... and after-service flusters. Yea, I was flustered, face was flushed, I don't really know why... Is it the excitement of having many things happening? Or is it mixed with the oh-so-much thinking and emotions that have been invading me over the past week. I am so looking forward to church camp cos I feel that is gonna be such a wonderful time away from work, from many things, and just knowing God and having great fellowship with my brothers and sisters.
I have been feeling kinda out of the world... just feels that I am floaty, not very grounded... I really don't know exactly why and what... I guess there are times when we go through times like these... But it's always good to know that God is around and that I am under His jurisdiction.

Babies are such lovely beings... carrying my lil nephew - Shau En, brings such peace, such love invoked from within me... Oh, and for the records, Sandra gave birth, finally. CONGRATS gal!

Tomorrow's Monday and i need Your Grace to face the week. Again, thank God there's CG on Wed, that ALWAYS makes the week pass better... So you guys in my CG, thanks for the fellowship that I always look forward to.

Till the next blog-entry, I shall cling on to His Grace and His Sufficiency cos That will keep me going on...

Better Thursday..

2006-05-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today was somewhat a lil' unusual. For a start, early in the morning, the NZD appreciated (FINALLY), and we could see SOME daylight. That currency has just been diving south with not much silver lining in the southern clouds... That sheep-dependent economy finally shed some light in reducing their trade deficits. Phew! Thank You Lord, cos I prayed that NZD will appreciate, cos if not, many of my clients are stuck in that dovish currency. So, at least helped some clients to cut losses, some break even, and some potentially even make some capital gains... Thank You Lord for this good news amidst all the other falling markets...

My secondary school friend, Sandra is in the hospital, gonna deliver Baby Claire anytime... so exciting to have your good friends popping. She called me in the morning when she was in the hospital, bored. Hahaha! You rock, Sandy! And cos' of that, I met up with Coconut, another close secondary friend for lunch. It was a GREAT time of catching up... This bunch of secondary school friends of mine are so special. Remember those times when we played truant, got into disciplinary trouble, and had lotsa fun... and today, 2 of them are mothers, and 2 of us are single. The 2 singles concluded that God is good - He sent both of us to accompany each other on the single side of the game. Hahaha! Old good friends are special... and the best thing is... we're all sisters-in-Christ, serving and loving Him in our own various capacities.

And last but not least, to rejoice and thank God... Tomorrrow's FRIDAY!!!! Friday is the BEST day of the week (apart from Sat and SunDAY, not SUn night, cos we gotta work on Monday morning). There seem to be so many things to do, but I LURVE to build the house of God! thank You Lord, for this privilege... :-)

Epiphany...

2006-05-23T23:11:00.000+08:00

Big word huh? Well, I think I discovered new things about myself and about what God probably has in store for me. A big realization is that: What I think I want/need may not be what I actually need/am suited for... Hey, I am not en empty vessel who makes a lot of noise ok... I got "deep waters" within me... Hahahaha!

It's great to have realizations and revelations from God, it's always refreshing and ensures that I am in Him. It is so easy not to be in Him... so, God, thanks for the rain, and for the epiphany... Your ways and thoughts are indeed higher than mine.

It's Wed tomorrow... Hallelujah!

I GOT IN! & Rain...

2006-05-21T23:56:00.000+08:00

Some incredible things happened today.. Well, I do feel a lil' tired, but it still feels surreal...
My last blog entry (which was last night) talked a lil' about the weather, how it was frustrating me cos of the heat and how I actually asked God for rain... and this afternoon, during service, I heard "pitter patter pitter patter". Yup, I was awe-struck! He sent Rain!!!! Wow, He is so nice, so loving, so caring... He even bothers when I complain and whine about the weather. Thank You Lord. I was also very encouraged by Him who used me this morning as I shared His inspired Word during our prayer meeting in the morning, and how the same Words were used during the 2 services as well. Thank You for affirming me.

As usual, I had a GREAT time with the guys after my meetings and were reluctant to go home, but I had a wedding dinner to attend. I went home, and napped. Now this is the surreal part... I woke up and somehow stood at my dressing table and realized I have some mails. And I saw one from SMU, and when I opened it, Guess What? They told me my application to the Masters Programme is SUCCESSFUL! GOSH, it was surreal man... I went to show my family - they were delighted and excited! I did have some mixed feelings, but I am thankful... SO thankful for this opportunity. Thank YoU jesus. It's gonna be tough-going, but I will persevere by His Grace! And I did ask You for this as one of my breakthrough prayer, Thank You for opening a way...

My mind had been swarmed with quite a chunkful of thoughts... sigh, that is always a tiring exercise... Lord, let Your peace guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. The new week (of challenges) start again... My Lord, pls be with me, and go through it with me... I look forward to Wed for CG... I LURVE this CG... Thanks, guys, for being part of my life...

Weekends...

2006-05-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

Weekends are such special days. They are PRECIOUS... Friday nights are always magical - they make you reluctant to sleep early. Last night some of us were out for supper after their music practise. We went to Geylang for Tau Huay, and it was a crazy time in the car, but it was great fun. I was telling Fenny that it is so wonderful that we serve so hard together in church and we play so hard as well, and that's where friendship really grows and the bond really strengthens. Praise the Lord for His love that binds us together. I was real tired after that, but had to get up early today for shepherding, and went out with mum in the afternoon. And the weather definitely didn't help in lessening my frustration. The weather really gets to me... God, pls send some rain to cool down the weather. I remember once I was also frustrated by the weather and I asked God to send rain, and yup, u guessed it.. it rained. I LURVE rainy days - they somehow make me happier.

Tomorrow's always the exciting day of the week - Sunday. So, I'm gonna catch my sleep, and catch you soon too!

FRiEnDs...

2006-05-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

Today Pei Key and I "celebrated" - an ultra mini one - our 4th Shepherding Anniversary, and I beat her to it! She's a GREAT sheep, a wonderful friend, sister and partner. She's also so gifted:creative, detailed, organized, funny. Celebrations are therapeutic, we should always do that.

Now that's a friend in my life.

My previous entry talked about another.

And here's another one in Melbourne: Alice. She's special too.

Of course, there are many many more, and I am so blessed to have so many people around me who loves me just for who I am, and accepts me for just the way I am. And for those who 'remind" me (gently or not-so-gently) about my shortcomings, I thank God for you too. For those who just laugh and play with me, you are special too. For those whom I haven't met for quite a while, Yup, you too are in my thought sometimes and I remember you with fondness. I thank God for friends He has given me. I guess He wants us to be His friends too.

Well, our coming camp is about Friendship and I pray that my brothers and sisters will make new friends, catch up with old ones and have a balluva time in Malacca,

cos in church, Friends for Eternity is what it is all about, HALLELUJAH!

Back in Singapore

2006-05-16T23:57:00.000+08:00

Came back from Taipei on Sunday. It was a good trip, thank God.

Cousins in Taipei

Went for DaVinci Code (DVC) seminar in church yesterday. I was greatly encouraged to see so many people in church excited and eager to know the Truth, more importantly, the overwhelming response reflected the teachable hearts of our people. Yup, we had the honour of sitting outside at the reception. Even the reception was packed. Praise the Lord! Actually, what I took back with me after the seminar was an affirmation of my faith. I am SO honoured to have and know the Truth. I am SO privileged that God saved me, put me on the side of Truth, that I do not struggle on the "other side" wondering what is Truth. I also realized, amidst all the controversies, all the allegations, all the long-time accusations and attempts to "overthrow" Christianity, God's Truth is simple: LOVE - His Love. So many theories and furious attempts to disprove the authenticity of the bible, to slam the Divinity of Christ... His Message is just so simple. You will fully comprehend only when you are IN the Truth, IN Him, and experience the truth for yourself. I was filled with gratitude last night as I dwelled in the seminar-aftermath.

Oh, and I wanna talk about my dad. Relationship with my dad used to be so strained when I was growing up. 4 years ago, I decided to live out what the bible says: to honour my parents, and I made the decision to love my dad regardless. Anyhow, that's not the main thing I wanna share. What I wanna talk about is our relationship now. It's so enriching, so special. Now I understand that dads are special. I know and can feel how much my dad loves me. He shows it in his support for my work, sharing so many things about him to me, sharing his experiences with me. I look forward to the day when he's gonna receive Jesus as his personal Saviour and experience true Love - always persevering, always hoping, always THERE. That day's gonna come soon, in Jesus' Name. Thank You Lord, in advance.

My Dad & I

And here's some pics for your viewing pleasure - snippets of recent happenings:

WAM Beauties - Fenny's BIG Day @ Grand Shanghai

My new nephew - Shau Ern

Miss Black

2006-04-27T21:15:00.000+08:00

Read Fenny's blog, and attempted the color test myself... *drum roll* I am BLACK! Mmm, I thought I only like to wear black, didn't think I am actually a BLACK at heart.

Your true color is Black!

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

Mmm, don't think I am as stiff, strict as the Black described me to be. It's somewhat descriptive of me, but I am fun-loving, crazy, sanguine, and quite gracious too la... Thank God for God in me, cos if not, I would be totally and utterly BLACK. Thank God for His Fruit of the Spirit in me that makes me a balanced person.

I completed my 5.8km JPMorgan Run yesterday without walking. I jogged real slow, but hey, I didn't walk ok... That was a personal challenge, especially considering the fact I hardly trained, so thank God for the mind He gave me: it's ALL in the mind. When it was really tough-going, and I really felt like walking, I told myself that my body is actually not very tired; it's my mind that is, so I cannot give in to the tiredness in the mind. Since I started running, I am always reminded of this: One can run slowly, even walk - it's alright, but one must finish the race no matter what. God said we are called to run this race of faith as well. We must be finishers of the race - no matter in what manner.

Each run I complete is a personal feat for me. Thank You Lord for being with me through my runs and always encouraging me to press on. Thank You for the salvations I hear in the most improbable people (share that the next time).

"Hua Yu" COOL!

2006-04-25T22:31:00.000+08:00

Well, Singapore has been promoting the use of the Chinese language, the slogan is "Hua Yu COOL". I gotta adopt that now. Well, as I ALWAYS said, my chinese is really not that bad. I can somewhat read at least half the chinese words, and I can speak. Of course, it is a different ball game altogether when your clients are Taiwanese. The Lord has "promoted" me recently to take over one of the Taiwan portfolio. I am grateful, but am filled with apprehensions at the same time. It is no joke having to deal with savvy, sophisticated clientele.
In the course of God unfolding His plans for me, there are MANY MANY times I want to throw in the towel and take the easier route. Doubts, disappointments, apprehensions, uncertainties are a bunch of discouragements. I remember Julian asked me once, whether I really wanna do this (succeeding in the world as salt and light and example that christians are heads, not tails). He asked if I want to be "not normal", not mediocre. I remember answering him: I have NO choice, I cannot be mediocre. Be it my upbringing, my family background, my exposure, how I am wired up - yea, blame it on all these reasons - I guess I am made for BIG things. I believe the Lord has already inscribed my life journey in the palm of His Hand even before I was formed in my mother's womb. This fact is humbling, for who am I that He should create me for greatness.
Throughout the past 4 months, I often remind myself of what one of my dear brothers shared with me as my "birthday gift": Humility. Success should not bring about pride, but it should bring about even more humility. I don't know how I am where I am today - it's ONLY by His Grace. For the 1st time, after reading a book, I realized why Peter told Jesus, "Away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man." He said this after he caught many fish when Jesus asked them to let down their nets. Story is that they have been fishing the entire night but did not catch any fish (even as professional fishermen). When they did what Jesus asked them to, they harvested aplenty. Success humbled him. I guess that is what you call character.
I realized that in life, it is very important for us to ALWAYS get ourselves in perspectives. So many things happen in our lives that can throw us in a frenzy. It is only when we step back from all the entanglement and once again return to our right perspectives, to focus on what's truly important, that we maintain our sanity,
I thank God He is in me, cos He always points me to Him, my True North.
I asked Him one night, "Lord, how is it possible I still love You so much and find You so novel and fresh after 10 years? I don't know how I am going to sustain through another 50 years." And I looked into the bible and there He was: "Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am he, I am he who will sustain you; I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Once again, I met Him....
I will CHOOSE to press on.... Remind me when I feel like giving up...

Intercession

2006-04-18T21:28:00.000+08:00

Easter is over. Our services were great, not because our programme was great; in fact our programme was normal. But God was present. Both Sat and Sun service... His Love was Overwhelming. It was so encouraging to see how HIs people served Him tiredlessly, despite physical constraints like age. (winks at the Dinos)

easter svc

I was extremely blessed by this Easter. On Sat night, something unusual happened to me. I was rather tired (or so I thought), so I laid down to sleep. But tears started rolling down by face onto my pillow. They didn't stop, and I was rather surprised, as I could not understand why I was crying. So I started praying, and the more I prayed, the more I teared. I then started asking God what He wanted me to pray about, cos I gathered after a while that perhaps it was an encounter with Him. It was burdensome to intercede... for those who have yet to know Him, for our ministers who were tired, for my family, etc etc. It was a heart-wrenching time. This went on for about 45min... I was real tired by then, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep without asking Him. Finally, I think He "permitted". I was excited... Excited to see how these prayers will come to pass, excited because I interceded according to His will, His leading. It was memorable and precious, as it was a time between my Lord and I. I was also overwhelmed by ALL that He has given me. All that I have - my talents, giftings, abilities, personality, character, everything... is what He designed. Thank You for this honour to be Yours.
Easter was a time I thought of His love for me... It was overwhelming. After 10 years, He still amazes me. Thank you for this EverNew Love... Thank You for this special Relationship.

During this business trip, I wanna continue to declare fruitfulness in my work, for He is a God of Fruitfulness and success!

Thank You in advance...

Pensive...

2006-04-10T21:25:00.000+08:00

I stayed home today cos' I am having such a bad sore throat. GOSH, it's torturous man. I just got a camera. It's so fun. Check out some of the shots I took... Life has been rather monotonous. Other than those times I spend with my CG people serving, laughing and having fun, life has been rather monotonous. But quite a few things have been on my mind... maybe I think too much. My ipod could not be updated, frustrated me... had to do stuffs to get it up and about again... technology, gadgets... they get on your nerves when they don't work. That's why they are not in my favourites' list. But I must say, they are useful and do make like mroe colourful. For those of you out there who do not know, WAM has quite a few eligible bachelors... They are people who have wonderful character AND personalities, gifted, talented, AND love God. Tho' they are better as brothers to me, they are all great and available people... I decided to undertake this important job as the WAM spokesperson.

Church life is vibrant, exciting and fun. Serving God is great fun and very satisfying indeed. For anyone who has not experienced the joy of serving the Lord, you're missing out on a great deal.

Guess I'll just leave it for now... I'll be expecting emails... ;)

P.S: Sorry, no pics yet, dunno why couldn't download. Next time, dudes...

A dear friend..

2006-04-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today I think of a very very dear friend... someone I am very close with, someone who is so dear to me... but he is not here, away in Manila... Most of you who read my blog will probably know who he is. Anyway, there's a picture of him here.
It still feels weird not to have him here... We've been friends for the longest time. All the times we've been through together, I thank God He preserves our friendship. HL is someone who will listen to me grouse, whine, and take a lot of my nonsense... Of course, I have my fair share of taking his too...
This evening, I thought of him, and still feel weird. For example, I suddenly contracted the Jay-Chou-disease. When he was around, I'd just pick up the phone and exclaim to him all about Jay Chou. And he will just entertain me and listen and maybe even discuss with me, since he is more into Chinese songs than me. Perhaps we can then discuss about Initial D and how cool Jay Chou is in that show... Alas, he is faraway...
And HL, if you are reading this, and you think you have been forgotten, trust me, you have not. You are dearly missed by us, (and if u dun believe, u can always take a sample of "the trinity" and be proven wrong). I'm always cheering you on, so do us proud there yea?

Ok, since HL is not here for me to grouse to, you - my blog audience - will be the ones honoured to read my ranting and grousing. thanks for being a GREAT audience.

Till we meet again, soon.

GMAT aftermath

2006-03-31T21:24:00.000+08:00

I dreamt once that I scored 680 for my GMAT. Haha, it was a dream alright... or I was short-sighted, and saw a 6 instead of a 5. I got 580. I was really glad... Thank You Lord. On that morning of the exam, I was riding in my bro-in-law's car and as I was staring out of the window, a van drove past and on it were these words, "Fear not, for I am with you." Yup, I scribbled that on my scratch paper once I sat there for the exam. 580 is not like fantastic, but it is a great improvement from my 490 score. Perhaps I should not publish my GMAT score like that. It's quite an embarrasment... But well, it's still Grace Intervention. And boy, am I glad it is OVER. HALLELUJAH!

The one month before my GMAT, I felt that my life was on a standstill. Easter programming, church camp, and other programming stuffs were all frozen. K, I am a woman, I can multi-task, but not this time with the exam... Now that it's outta the way, feels like my life-clock starts to tick again... Many stuffs to clear for ministry, but I LURVE serving in the Kingdom of God. I was having a wonderful dinner with my sheep last night and we were just raving about how exhilarating it is to go to church - OUR church on a Sunday. Everything and everyone feels like Family...

I was also sharing with her about how as we serve Him, we need to pray and soak everything we do (in ministry and service) in Him. We need to pray and commit the things we do FOR Him, unto Him. It's only when our programme, our serving, our spirits, are soaked in Him, that we can exude out the fragrance and the spirit of Christ. Afterall, it is HIS ministry! The River of Life MUST flow from the throne of God, then the River will bring Life to all who come not just into it, but also near it. Imagine if everyone who serves on a Sun has personal experiences with God, has new revelations about Him... and when we all come together on a Sun to serve and worship Him corporately, what power of God will be unleashed and imagine how powerful our services are gonna be. THAT, is doing ministry! I look forward to see that day... with the strumming of just ONE guitar string, people will fall at their feet to worship Him and lives will be transformed and souls will be saved. THAT is the power of our Living God!

My vision statement for programming ministry is "The next service/event is gonna be the BEST one EVER!"

God bless our church, sorry, His Church...

Join the band wagon if you want to experience Him...

GMAT eve

2006-03-28T19:34:00.000+08:00

Today is the day before my next GMAT. The emotions that I have are somewhat mixed. On one hand, I am excited that after tomorrow, I am free. On the other hand, the thought of not doing well makes me dread going for it. I still am a bit bitter about having to do this entrance exam for a LOCAL Masters. And I feel that I got to be tortured AND I am paying for the course! What world is this...??????
Sigh, I feel like I am writing my last words... tomorrow seem to determine my course... but I know it is not exactly the MAIN element that the school will consider, but I can't do too bad too... I can't seem to improve my scores starkly... Maybe I am not academic material... O Lord, if I do get into the course, YOU gotta help me through it...
I'm gonna give it one last shot after this - to do one last full-length exam and then go for the battle tomorrow. Lord, You said, the battle is not mine, but Yours. My eyes are upon You.
And for you guys out there reading this, I'll update you about the results after tomorrow...

I said many times how much fun I have in WAM. People have the impression that WAMers are "elites" in the church. well, they are Levites, not elites. (ok, that didn't really rhyme) They are sooooo much fun! and I attribute that mostly to the strong bond within the group. Just look at how everyone was mobilized and helped out at the wake... You guys rock! And not forgetting the "green curry", "Sheep-auction" and the "Buy 1 get 1 free". With you guys around, I don't mind fellowshipping for eternity man... hahaha!

The clock ticks... it's time I conquer the exam...

Till the next time,
Adios!

Last night...

2006-03-25T11:50:00.000+08:00

Last night was eventful... quite a bit of things happened... Prayer meeting was one major happening... Mmm, I always get the Heat problem.. Aircon was not enough to cool down the over-flow of people who came for Prayer Meeting last night(good problem). People were hot for Jesus man! Back in Yr 2002, we had the camp in the tent. Man, we had to battle with the major June-Heat problem big time. Thank God for His people who just love Him and who are gracious. I guess when you are soaked in His presence, nothing else really matters.

After that, we were doing supper when a bro received a phone call saying his mum passed away. The whole table was shocked... What touched my heart a lot was how EVERYONE responded so instantaneously, and nearly the whole unit was prepared to stop-short at dinner halfway to go with him. (The food was hardly here... poor HowJoo and the rest who had to finish things up). The few of us went to his place... the air was still... there was a deep sense of sadness in the family... surely. We stayed to see how we can be of help and basically just be there for the bro and his family.

I love this family of God... everyone loves deeply and jumps in to help one another out... That scene of cencerned faces round that dinner table, those immediate response and volunteering to drop everything to accompany the brother back home... Father, You created all these... Love indeed comes from You. Lord, I know You will do that for us too when we call to You for help, or when we tell You about our troubles and predicaments. You will just drop all that You are doing, and rush to us, sometimes helping us to solve the problems, but sometimes, just to come and hug us, and be with us... You, the Most High God, The Almighty, the King of kings... who shed all inhibitions, all the honour, all the privileges of a king, just to be in the presence of sinful, weak, whiny me - Your Child... Man, it's overwhelming... A song wells up:

My heart is captivated Lord by You Alone
Captured by the Awesomeness of You Alone
Melted by the Grace and Mercy You Have shown,
I stand in wonder....
I reach for You the one who makes the blind eye see
Who breaks the chains of sickness with authority
Restoring what was broken,
So it may fly again....
I live to worship You
I breathe to worship You
All of my days Your Face I will seek
For as I worship You,
You lead me to That Place,
To That Place of Divine Exchange...

Thank You, Lord, for this Privilege to be called Your own.

Your Grace still Amazes me....

Counting down...

2006-03-21T20:55:00.000+08:00

Today is Tuesday. Life is rather torturous because I am studying for my GMAT. I can't wait till it's over next Wed. I can already see the things I can do after this heavy burden is off me. But in the meantime, O Lord, please sustain me! Work has been better, Praise the Lord! After He is the One whom I work for, so He'll take care of me.
I was pondering this morning by the Singapore River, about how I can still feel so much for my Lord. And I concluded that He IS and MUST be Real and Alive cos till today, He is still Fresh and New to me. I'm not a person who's good at sustaining somethng for a long while... blame it on the Sanguine in me, haha! As the Chinese says, "3-minutes' flame". But God has been One Person/Thing that doesn't feel stale/boring. So, Thank God I know He is not just Alive, but He is Alive IN me!

2006-03-19T17:44:00.000+08:00

today is Sunday. Sunday is always an exciting day of the week for me. There's so much buzz, excitement and expectation on this day. Seeing so many of my friends in church, serving alongside with fellow servants of God - man, that gives me a high! I must say that WAMers are a wonderful bunch of people. Week-in, week-out, they serve faithfully and wholeheartedly... and they still have fun every single week! It MUST be the work fo God! Deacons, or Levites (quote Fenny), are very important people in the Temple of God. Without them, there won't be any service. You guys can't believe the amount of labour and time these people put in on a Sunday... Anyone not in their role, the service will glitch. That's why, the bible says in Acts... These are people who must be full of wisdom and of the Holy Spirit. Like Michael said, "We need God-moments."
Today, a long-time brother came to church. I haven't seen him in our service since 5million years ago. Well, we had great fun during our Uni days... all the naughty things we did.. When I saw him from backstage, I went to shake his hand and greeted him. He said he just felt like coming back, like this is the place he grew up in. His presence warmed my heart a lot cos it felt like the good ol' days when we were worshipping together as students. That's why i love this church - this is where I grew up and spent the most wonderful days of my life in...

I'n in!! I'm in!!

2006-03-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

My 1st blog... I'm impressed with myself! Considering I am not quite IT savvy... This virtual world is really amazing.. My life in Virtual Land starts at 29. I shall discover more about this blogging thingy - why it draws people to do it. Perhaps people want to be heard, so airing in Virtual Land is a good substitue.
Actually what made me do this is cos' I want to join in the fun that NG1A3 started. They started a blog for the cg called The Chosen Ones... and I feel such a bond with them that I still wanna "poke" into their busienss, so I created this... Thanks, guys!
Just came back from a gathering at Mama Jac's place. It was fun; Taboo was fun... I look forward to more great times with the WAMers.