It's been a stressful time... but it's beginning to look like Christmas.... They DO NOT jive... I've been working hard on a big case at work; "Praise God", one part of me rejoices; "but it's so hard... I feel like just walking away", the other part of me laments. Thankfully these few nights after work are just time to chill... Hubby & I have just been spending time walking, talking to God, and just not doing something after wor. Hubs have been stressed out too... I make myself sane by listening to Michael Buble's Christmas songs, haha.
I can't put a finger to what and how I am really feeling, but I'd been feeling tired-physically and emotionally. In my heart and mind, I entertain thoughts of running away, hiding somewhere and all. My head is tensed up so I have tension headaches. I think I am stressed.
It also doesn't help that my b*** is at my back a lot cos' of this big case. I can't complain cos' I am learning so much and all that is helping me. I don't want to let all these affect me; I don't like to be a tensed-up, sour-faced. I love to be free, love to be at ease, etc. I want God, I need Him, I really need Him so so much. Only He can help me.
At this note, I want to thank God He is in my life and that I belong to Him. I have Him to turn to, I can lament to Him, I can cast my anxieties to Him, I can cry to Him and sing to Him. And when I am in Him, when I think how wonderful He is, or how He just loves and cares for me, I cannot help but feel loved and the things of this earth will grow strangely dim.
[Just heard on podcast: Anxiety is a sin to be repented of. We don't manage anxiety, we put it to death, cos Jesus crucified our sins on the cross -Mars Hill Church]
Lord Jesus, pls help me, pls help me to not be anxious, but as I pray and give thanks, your peace which surpasses all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
I'm going home tonight to listen to Christmas carols again... that transports me to winter, snow-falling windows - bliss... (of cos, with Christ in my heart)
I want it to begin to look like Christmas...
P.S: I know I don't make much sense, but I am just ranting and thinking aloud.